My Answer...

Photo Courtesy of ClassiclyAmber

My little family and I.  Wonderful husband.  Three amazing children.  And one on the way.

The farther along in this pregnancy I get, the more I grow and prepare, the more I'm faced (almost everyday) with the question, "Are you done?"  Family asks me.  Friends ponder.  Well-meaning strangers inquire.  Even my own heart and mind settles in on the often wondered little detail.

Am I done having children?

With every baby I've determined that we were in fact "done' after each one.  I'd deliver and for two years I'd explain time and time again, "Nope, we're done.  Not having anymore children."  But inevitably, every time, we WOULD NOT be done.  Another would soon be joyfully welcomed into our family.  

Then it would start all over.

Here we are a fourth time around and I believe I may have learned my lesson.  In fact, when a friend asked, yet again, not so long ago if we were planning on more babies, my answer even shocked me.

"I don't know."  

I really don't know.  I have felt done with each child and God has renewed my Spirit and worked on my heart.  He has given me strength when I thought I didn't have it in me to mother another single human.  And now, I don't feel done.  I'm right on the cusp of birthing a precious little baby into this world and the prospect of more doesn't absolutely terrify me. 

I'm getting older.  Our home is only so big.  Sometimes I feel completely inadequate at being mama to the children I do have.  And all the reasons the world is throwing at me...

Kids are expensive.

What about you time?

Don't you look forward to them becoming more independent?

You can't possibly homeschool that many.

How do you show enough love to each individual child?

And on and on and on....

Really, if I'm logical, I have everything to be terrified of.

But.  

I don't know if we're done.

And that's ok.

God's call of my life may be completely different than what His call is for you.

   It's about me submitting my will to His.  And though it isn't easy to do...  

That's just where my faith comes in.  

My child bearing days will be over all too soon and I will be able to answer with confidence that our family is complete.  Until then, only God knows the number of children He wishes to give me.  Only God can bring peace to my heart and to the heart of my husband...truly it's a matter not meant for the masses, but one met in union with Christ and the man He blessed me with.  It might not make sense.  It might not look ideal.  It may not fit what society says.

And I may often look as if I'm learning as I go...wandering aimlessly through my life that is motherhood.  I probably am.

No...I definitely am.

But I can say, without a doubt, when it comes to this decision it is one that is met prayerfully.  It is one when the whole idea seems upside down to everyone else...

Jesus says to me, 

"You're not old."

"Square footage doesn't make what a home is."

"I will provide."

"Find rest in Me."

"True freedom comes only from depending on Me."

"You can do anything with My strength."

"Your heart is big enough."

and...

"I'll give you the grace, the patience, the love for more children than you can imagine.  They are all such a blessing."

"JUST. TRUST. ME."

So with that, I can't wait to meet our newest addition.  I'm furiously knitting for him, preparing diapers, washing tiny baby gowns and praying over the little boy he's destined to grow up to be.

And if there are more...I can't wait for them either.

Dear Jesus,

I praise you for the work you've done in me...and I trust that you have a great many things in store for my family, however big or small, we may be.  Lord, I thank you for the children you have blessed me with.  I thank you for being present with me and teaching me Your ways and Your heart with each one.  I'm such a project, but You never give up.  You are constantly loving on me and showing me Your will for my life.  I welcome whatever You bring my way.

I love you.

Amen

Prayer...

Hubby and I were talking about prayer this morning.

Well, actually, we were talking about leadership and prayer.

Leadership is his thing...prayer is mine.

We both have equal amounts of passion for our desired topic, but I also think we lack understanding in why the other subject is so near to our spouse's heart.  Jon has definite thoughts, opinions and views of Scriptural leadership that I just don't get.  He can find it in ANY verse of the Bible.  I, on the other hand, have an entirely different perspective on prayer (and grace) than Jon does, and I can find THAT in ANY verse in the Bible.

It's where our differences bring us together and hopefully grow us in our faith with one another.

So....

this post is for Jon, my beloved.

Honey, prayer to me is...

An act of love.  

One that brings you closer to not only your Heavenly Father, but to those around you.  It is something that strengthens marriages.  It bonds family ties.

It mends indiscretions.

It heals wounds and it pieces together broken hearts.

It creates in us an ability to be vulnerable and let our guards come down.

It is a time when we can pray on someone's behalf, but also when we can humble ourselves to God's mighty grace and love so we can experience intercession in our lives from others as well.

It's about communication...but even more so it's about surrender.

It's a matter of the heart.

It's personal, yet it's communal.  It can be enjoyed by one and by the masses...separately and at the same

time.

Prayer is God's gift to us.  To show us He is there and active in our lives.

Prayer is our gift to God.  To show Him that we are listening.

No one prayer is of more or less importance then another.  For they are all honest petitions placed at Christ's feet, for Him to meet in His will and His way.

Prayers are heard.

They are felt.

They are experienced.

And they are answered...

though not necessarily on our terms, but always with our best interest in mind.

And Jon, I'm blessed to call you my partner in prayer.  It is my honor to pray with and for you and our family.

I love you.

 I'm sharing this as part of the Mom's 30-minute Blog Challenge over at SteadyMom
&
Works for Me Wednesday at We Are That Family.

Check it out!

And while I'm at it...

Would you leave me a comment to let me know how I can be praying for you today?

Blessings friends,

Our children...

(Illustration by Cyd Moore)

My girl.

I could get lost in her hugs.

Her eyes and her dimples and her smell bring me peace.

My heart revolves around her little hand held in mine.

And I don't look forward to the day she stops clinging to my side.

She calls me Mommy.

A Princess.

and pretty.

I am her protection, her strength and her friend.

 I call her baby.

Doodlebug.

and monkey.

She is my faith, my teacher and my everything.

God so blesses us with children, for they are most often wise beyond their years.  They hold an incomprehensible about of love and trust in their little hearts and though they might not share well and may sometimes require timeouts, oh how they can teach us about the complete character of Jesus. 

My prayer is that I heed this wisdom ordained to me in the responsibility of parenting.  That with this highest call and duty, I would extend nothing but grace and love and patience and perseverance in all that I do pertaining to my children.  That through me they will learn even further what the Love of Jesus is and what it means.  But more importantly that through Christ in them, the world can know it, too.

Dear Lord, 

Thank you for my Emma.

And any other children I might be so privileged to care for this side of heaven.

Amen.

(I'm sharing this as part of the Mom's 30-minute Blog Challenge over at Steady Mom.  Check it out!)

Peace be with you, 

Cheap and Semi-Homemade Birthday Parties...

 

Well, I survived!  Emma's 2nd Birthday Party was a huge success!  I think I added a little more stress to the process then was necessary, but it all worked out and she had the time of her life!

I set out on this little adventure with the goal of keeping the entire party (for 30+ guests) under $100.

And let me just say...

I came in right at around $95 for everything!  And I think that's pretty darn good!!

Some may say I set a precident with this party and I'll have to have huge shindigs from this point on.

Some would ask what's the point seeing as Emma probably won't remember any of it.

I threw this party because Emma didn't have a 1st Birthday bash.  And I take great pride in the fact that one day she will look back on these pictures and know that so much love and attention to detail and fun was put on all for her!!  Not to mention, when she's older (and has children of her own) she'll really appreciate the thrifty~ness of it all!!

You might be wondering how I pulled it all off for under $100 and I have two words for you.

Dollar Tree.

Now, some stuff did come from Target and Party City, but most of what was used was either made from supplies from DT or bought and used directly from there.

Here's some pics...

This was Emma's Invitation.  And I simply did this on Microsoft Publisher.  You don't have to be a PhotoShop Junkie (though that helps, too) to come up with simple projects.  I found a personalized invite online that I liked (might I add some were being designed and sold for $12.95 a pop) and I just made my own, using what I found as a foundational idea, but tweaking what I needed here and there.  This included scanning in a picture from one of Emma's Thomas the Train books and incorporating it into the invitation.  I printed out on photopaper that I found at Ollies for $3 a pack.

Balloons came from Dollar Tree as did the plates, cups and napkins.

Of course the Thomas themed items came from Target and/or Party City.

For the favor bags I gave out Bubbles, fruit snacks and personalized bookmarks to each child.

A tutorial for the bookmark can be found HERE.

We're really fortunate to have a neighborhood park (with a nice shelter) right across the street from our house!  This worked out perfectly as we didn't have to reserve it or anything.  FREE!!

I did make a sign for the entrance of the park so everyone would know where to go!  I got the posterboard from the Dollar Tree and because we were having a Thomas Party, I went with an "Island of Sodor" approach!

While we're on the topic of drawing, I found this idea for Pin the Nose on James HERE.  There are so many great resources out there on having DIY birthday parties and the Mom that came up with this game has a whole slew of Thomas Party ideas!  Check it out.  To draw James, again, I used one of Emma's Thomas books as a guide.  I cut out little circles from contruction paper, wrote the kid's names on them and used glue dots to make them stick!

The Dollar Tree had this great little train banner, but I didn't like the middle picture, so I printed out a picture of Thomas and glued him on!  To spruce it up and blend colors a little I added blue stars at each corner!

Because this was a kids party, I kept the snacks simple: pretzels, goldfish and animal crackers, water and apple juice.  I also printed out coloring sheets from PBS and left them on each table for the kids to color and take home.  Party City had the packs of crayons for $0.49 each.

We had Funfetti (box mix) Cupcakes, too! YUM!!

I did not make this cake.  WalMart did.  But it was a petite one (perfect for the Birthday Girl) and only $5.88.  I couldn't resist!

Emma loved it so much she kept giving "Baby Thomas" kisses! =)

Everyone having a good time!  More peeps are on the playground!

Here's the Birthday Girl herself!  I wanted her to have a special Jr. Conductor outfit so I heat-bonded a number two to a t-shirt and hand stitched around the edges.  Did the same for the little Thomas badge I cut from the same fabric.  For her ruffled pants I used THIS TUTORIAL!  I didn't use a pattern, like the instructions, instead I used some of Emma's own pants as a pattern.  And I did cropped pants instead of full-length.

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Girl!  I love you, Emma!

You can stop growing up now!

So there you have it!  Anyone can throw a cheap and semi-homemade Birthday party!  I'd love to hear your ideas, too!  So please share!!

I'm sharing this as part of Works for Me Wednesdays at We Are That Family

and

Things I Love Thursday at Mama Mia!

Check them out!

Would you help me get to 100 followers??

My goal is to reach that (or more) by May 17th!!
I think we can do it!

And to give you a little extra incentive, on that day ALL of my followers will be entered in a really super, Fantabulous Giveway (details later so stay tuned)!! It might include something pretty and kitchen-y :)!!

Blessings,

Right where He wants Me...

We all go through things in our lives that leave us feeling...

hopeless, lonely, uninspired and hurt.

It's inevitable seeing as we live in a fallen world.

Life doesn't always go OUR way.

It's sucks, I know...but that's just how the cards fall.

As Christians, we can have faith that despite all this, there is a loving God in control.

And He has our best interests in mind.

It's a difficult concept to understand.

It's an even more difficult practice to put into play...

Faith in those really unruly times of life.

We all know faith is easiest displayed when things are going the way we want them to.

Not so much when they're not.

I've been having days like this as of late.

Days where all I want to know is why...

Why am I me?

Why am I Jon's wife?

I'll never question why I'm Emma's mother...

But why, of all the things God has called me to, do they so rarely go according to how I think they should go?

It's has caused me great strife.

I get mad because I feel like a failure.

I'm upset because I don't feel loved {like I want to be loved}.

I feel lost because parenting, no matter how beautiful, is hard.

I lose sleep over things that most people probably don't even care about.

And half of the time I feel like I'm crazy because of all it.

Times like this, due to the noise I create on my own...

I don't hear God.

And to me, He feels a million miles away.

In my deepest time of need.

It's not that He's not there...I just don't hear Him.

More so, I block Him out.

Have you ever read Sarah Young's Jesus Calling?

I haven't, not in it's entirety.  I just got it recently, having heard really great things about it.

It's a little devotional book that reads as if Jesus is speaking directly to you.

The day I bought it was a day I was having a really hard time...with everything.

Do you play games with God?

"I'll do this...if YOU do that?"

"We can play by Your rules, so long as they line up with mine..."

and so on and so on.

Or am I the only one that does this?

So I get this book on this really bad day and immediately I start to bargain.

I challange God.

"God, you know, You seem like you could care less right now that I'm hurting as bad as I am...how about You prove me wrong.  Give me an answer...SOMETHING...to let me know you're still there and you do in fact care!"

I opened to the appropriate date in my new devotional and this is what it read...

This is the day that I have made.  Rejoice and be glad in it.  Begin the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring into this brief portion of your life.  Be careful not to complain about anything, not even the weather, since I am the Author of your circumstances.  The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank Me for them.  This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My ways into the situation, so that good emerges from it.

To find joy in this day, you must live within its boundaries.  I knew what I was doing when I divided time into twenty-four -hour segments.  I understand human frailty, and I know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time.  Do not worry about tomorrow or get stuck in the past.  There is abundant life in My Presence today.

~Scripture references Psalm 118:24 and Philippians 3:12-14

I said, "Go ahead God...show me whatcha got!"

And then I got sucker punched in the gut...I got the proverbial baseball bat to the head...I hit the brick wall of God.  The truth hurt and I bargained for more than I could handle.

He said, "Okay, you want the truth...here it is!"

He showed me that He is all I need.  Anything else that I'm under the impression of needing is meaningless.  And that means sacrifice on my part.  Laying down my hurt, my indiscretions, my worries at His feet and knowing that Jesus has died for all of it.  When He created this world, He knew about this day in my life...better still, when He hung on that cross, my broken heart on this very day, is what kept Him there.

And the same is true for you and the yuck in your life.

That's pretty uncomfortable isn't it...knowing that all our junk is no match for God Almighty.  In fact, we should even be thankful for our junk...because Jesus has taken care of it all!! What amazing news!

Dear Jesus, forgive me for questioning Your love for me.  Was it not that love that sent You to Calvary?  Lord, teach my heart to rely only on You, expecting not my way, but Your way for it is best.

I praise you that when I ask for truth, You supply it, no matter how difficult it is to hear.  And I thank you that when I challenge your intentions, You force the submission and repentance of my heart.  All out of adoration for me.  

God, no matter my woes, may you be glorified in everything.  Thank you simply for giving me life.

I love you.

Amen

(I'm sharing this as part of Motivate Me Monday over at The Fifth Street Palace.  Check it out!)

Blessings,

 

 

A Bowl Full of Random...

(painting by jackson pollack)

Wow...

Things have been crazy this last week.  So busy I haven't had time to blog.

But I'm hoping to get  back on track here soon.

In the mean time, let me give you the rundown of what's been going on in my life and my noggin'...

Birthday style!!  

In honor of my recent celebration of 31 years on this earth, I give you just as many random tid bits...

1) We're looking at cars.  Vans, specifically.  And it isn't a fun process.

2) Emma has taken to the terrible two's prior to turning the trying age.  Say that five times fast.

3) I ate sushi for my birthday and it was heavenly.

4) I'm late on accepting and nominating awards...my apologies to Bri and Mandy, but thank you both!!

5) I'm up to my ears in sewing aprons.

6) I'm also sewing Emma's Easter dress.

7) I have failed miserably at not consuming soda during Lent.

8) I praise Jesus that my salvation does not lie within the walls of a Dr. Pepper can.

9) On a more serious note, Palm Sunday was a thought provoking day...in church I read the part of a doubting criminal that hung beside of Jesus.  My specific line, "Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us all!" I found that part fitting seeing that I often doubt Him in my own life.

10) Many people are in my prayers right now.

11) I get to see my momma in four days and I couldn't be happier because of it.

12) I pat the baby in my sis-n-law's tummy yesterday and it took me back to when I pat my own pregnant belly.  I'm getting the fever it seems...

13) Speaking of fever, I'm reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and I've never felt more enlightened about womanhood then I feel now.

14) I don't say, "I'm proud of you" enough...to my husband, to my daughter, to my friends.

15) I constantly think about writing a book.

16) God constantly tells me to write a book, too.

17) I haven't listened yet.

18) Jon and I enjoyed a date night on Saturday and my favorite part was holding his hand.

19) I dropped Emma off at the sitter's this morning and she cried and cried (which is unusual).  I wanted to quit my job and hold her forever.

20) I cried most of the service on Sunday...Jesus has a way of doing that to me.  Thank you for loving me, Lord.

21) My best friend is coming next week and I get to meet her new little boy.  I already love him so much and I have yet to lay eyes on him.

22) I wish I had an eye for style...both for myself and my home.

23) I'm meeting The Pioneer Woman on May 7th.  If I could do a cartwheel, I'd do 50.

24) Emma calls the witches on Princess movies bad ladies.

25) Apparently the woman in front of us at Wal-Mart resembled a witch because Emma repeatedly yelled out, "Bad Lady, Bad Lady, Bad Lady!!"

26) I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide.

27) I don't like skinny jeans.

28) Having said that, last week I wore maternity pants and a maternity tank top on two separate occasions.

29) I'm not pregnant.

30) I repeat...I don't like skinny jeans.

31) My heart is blessed by those that have read this list in it's entirety!

Love ya'll!

Faith (and A Thank You)

I have to once again express my deep gratitude for the conversation that stemmed last week from my simple question about Family Planning.

Your comments and insight were beyond what I had hoped for and I so loved reading each and every one of your perspectives.  They were profound, enlightening, encouraging, and honest.  I really never expected to get such a wide range of thoughts on the topic, but it was so nice to have people from all different views contributing.  

Thank you.

One question that was posed to me throughout the conversation was, "Why did I ask...what prompted my inquiry?"

And at first it was simply because I had read an article about family trees and the complexity and richness of large families.  I am the only biological product from my mother and father.  Though my family now includes a step-mother and sister, my bloodline (with my generation as the starting point, is not that diverse).  In light of that, I looked at my husbands family, one in which he is number eight of nine children.  

The differences that naturally occur when comparing a semi-only child to a nine child family are remarkable and it really got my wheels turning in terms of what I wanted all that to look like for my girl when she was old enough to understand and appreciate family size.

The more I thought about it, the more I was taken back to my own desire of always wanting four kids.  From an early age, I have wanted that "medium" size family of my own.

Having said that, now that I have been through pregnancy, labor and now am in the process of motherhood, my mind often wanders to whether I am cut out to handle more that one or two kids.

Don't get me wrong, I love my girl more than words can even express, and I don't consider myself alone when I say being a momma is hard.  I just wonder if I (as in my personality and make-up) am made to mother multiple children.  Did God make me that way?  It's something I struggle with.  I go back and forth with wanting to adhere to God's will when the time comes for more and then getting caught up in the "what ifs" of life and whether we could handle more children.

This was the deeper reason for the original question and I think one comment from Brooke really summed it up...

Not so much should we or shouldn't we do this or that, but instead, "Do we trust God?"

Do I trust God?

I say this in the midst of dear friends of mine embarking on having more babies, adding second, third and maybe even fourth little blessings to their families and they do it in faith.  Regardless of circumstances.  And I also say this as a woman who is neither trying to prevent getting pregnant, nor actively trying.

Where is my faith?

It's terrifying to me.  More children.  Pregnancy.  Wanting more, but feeling incompetent at parenting one.  What large family dynamics look like.  My daughter being an only child.  How my husband feels about all this.  Getting older.  Round and round my brain goes, where it stops nobody knows....

This is why I genuinely wanted to know what the real, tangible thoughts and feelings were out there about this subject.

But most of all, I posed this question, because I want to be that person.  I want to be that mom who steps out in faith and truly, from the depths of my soul, trusts God to do what he may with my womb, no matter what that looks like for me.  It's just so hard to do and my humanness gets in the way .  Particularly when my mind can reason the pros and cons for both sides of the spectrum.  So your comments haven't necessary solved the inner debate going on inside of me, but they have given clarity to lots of other questions I had deep down inside.  And I so appreciate that.

To all of you that chimed in, know that I am praying over this.  And I do know that God will give me peace about what my family is supposed to look like.

And I also hope to chat again soon...who knows what I'll be asking next time!

Blessings friends,

 

Going out on a Limb here....

(NOTE: Since posing this question, several of you have offered so many great perspectives.  I admire and respect them all.  The more I read, the more I feel there may in fact be a middle ground, or rather, the possibility of what we are called to do individually.  I'm loving that the resounding theme points towards God's Will being evident regardless.  Let's keep it up ya'll!  Thanks for the conversation!!)

I scared you with that picture didn't I!?!  HA!  Let me start by saying, I'm not pregnant.

So today I'm not doing a post.

Not a well thought out and constructed post that is.

Because instead, I have a question.

And I want all of your feedback on it.

Before I ask it, know that I'm not trying to spark debate.  I honestly don't know where I stand on the topic.  That's why I'm asking for some dialogue.

Here it goes...

On the topic of birth control...what do you feel is the right way to go about family planning?

I know plenty of people that would allow God to plan their families (like the Duggars). 

And then there are those that are currently on birth control in order to prevent pregnancy.

Is there an in between?

I'm genuinely interested in your responses and I look forward to the conversation.

(but keep it nice, please)

Blessings,

(I'm sharing this as part of Works For Me Wednesday over at Rocks in my Dryer)

Who Am I?

We've been talking a lot in church lately about our identity.

My husband and I talked about it this morning.

Where we find our identity.  What roles play in determining our identity?  What we see as defining our identity?

My Lenten devotional readings have also touched on identity in the last few days.

So, like with every trend or repeated message in my life, right now I feel Jesus is trying to tell me something.

About my identity.

Mark 14: 50-52~  "And they all left him and fled. And a young man followed him, with nothing but a linen cloth about his body. And they seized him, but he left the linen cloth and ran away naked."

This passage is referring to what happened after Jesus was "taken into custody" before He was lead to the cross.  It tells of how even his closest followers left His side when push came to shove.  And it speaks of a boy, who had nothing but a linen cloth to cover himself with, ran away leaving his only possession in fear he might be judged right alongside of Christ.  He would rather be naked then to be associated with Jesus because he knew he would then be at the mercy of the Sanhedrin as well.  Guilty by association sort of thing.

Boy, does this speak to me...along with everything else that's been thrown my way as of late.

And honestly, what I'm hearing is...

I am that boy.

That's a hard thing to say.  But it's true.  When the going gets tough, I get going...and all too often in the wrong direction.  Away from Jesus.  And I do it in spite of myself...I know if I would TURN to Jesus and let Him work me out, all would be fine in His time.  But instead, I'd rather run around like a flailing naked idiot thinking I can figure it all out on my own.  So dumb.

When I'm pushed to be a testament, I don't testify.  I keep my mouth closed.

When my girl's little eyes and ears are learning Jesus through me, I don't let Him shine in my life.

When my love for my husband and for God could be expressed gently and submissively (oooh, I know, bad word) instead I get attitude.

When things don't go my way, instead of going to Jesus in prayer for a change of heart, I go to pout.

When Jesus is lead away to his death, that He died for me, I turn my head...and run.

Because it's just too hard to be seen with Him.

It's too hard to BE love.

That's who I am.  That's the real, human, dirty flesh that I am.

If I were honest with myself, I would say that my identity in all fouled up.  That I don't know who I am apart from my sin.  And who even cares what my identity looks like, because it's ugly and raw and mean?

But that's the beauty of Jesus.  And His love.  And His pain on the way to the cross.  His death.  Then His resurrection.

He lived and died so we could be made anew, though Him.  So that we would have meaning and hope in the dark shadows of  our hurt and sin.  So that we could have life.  Jesus sees our potential.  He sees the real state of our hearts.  And despite everything...

He sees our identity in Himself.

Our identity is in Jesus.

Oh, Glory be...how extraordinary is that!?!

We have a God that, right here and right now, in the midst of our human fallibility, says we are something!  We are forces to be reckoned with because He has fought the good fight for us...AND WON!

He thinks we are beautiful and worthy of all good and glorious things.  

He thinks we are worthy of Him!

Even though we still have tendencies to be "that boy"...

Absolutely amazing I say.

So I encourage you...just as Jesus has encouraged me...to ask yourselves...

(I SAY BE ENCOURAGED!!)

Who are you?

Who are you to your spouse?

To your children?

To your neighbors?

Who are you to Jesus?

I think your answers will surprise you and even more so, I think God will surprise you.

(I'm sharing this as part of Mom's 30-minute Blog Challenge over at Steady Mom)

Blessings,

   

Missing...

This week marks the 17th year that my PaPa has been gone.  Last month my Nannie had been gone four.

I'm missing them terribly for some reason.

I look back at the little snapshots of my life with them (which was too short of a time) and I'm filled to the brim with love and joy and happiness.  Oh how I wish they were with me still.

I remember Papa's smell after he had been at the DryCleaners (where he worked) all day.  Better yet, I remember his Brut aftershave.

Memories of Nannie working in the kitchen, whizzing here and whizzing there bustle around in my head.  I can't even keep up with her in my mind.

Like a photograph, I stare into the past savoring something as simple as my Papa's feet propped up on a big tacky blue velvet pillow resting on the coffee table.  I cried when my mom got rid of those pillows.

Nannie's calling, "Kelly (papa)...Little Kelli (& me), come on...dinner's ready!"

Papa jumps up and dances a jig all the way to the kitchen with me in tow.

I read and reread a letter written to me by Nannie while I was in college...before she lost her ability to write.

And emblazoned in my heart is the strength and tenderness that embodied my Papa.

I would give anything to hug my Nannie again.

My world would be complete if I could hold Papa's hand again.

At times like this, the only thing that brings me peace is knowing they are together...with Jesus.  And I will indeed see them again.

Until then I grasp tight onto the meaning they brought to my existence and pray that they are looking down on me with that same love, joy and happiness that they bestowed unto me.

If they are...

Thank you and I love you both so much.

(I'm sharing this as part of Mom's 30-Minute Blog Challenge over at SteadyMom)

Please make sure you tune in tomorrow for a very special interview and giveaway!
Here's a sneak peak...

  

Blessings,

Ten Things...

Ten things that I absolutely adore...

1) My Jesus

During this season of Lent I'm walking closer than I ever have with my Savior.  He is revealing truly remarkable (and sometimes even painful) things to me.  His love is one that I can never completely understand because He did what none of us (myself included) would ever do.  He died for me.  And though it hurts to know what all that entailed, I'm thankful His passion was great in extending grace to my sinful soul.

2) Holding my Hubby's Hand

I can be having the worst day ever.  Straight up crummy.  That man can reach for my hand and everything becomes calm.  He is my rock.  I yearn for his love and touch.

(photo by ClassiclyAmber Photography)

3) My Girl

This child makes everything right with my world and I couldn't imagine it without her.  She makes me want to be better at everything.

(photo by again by ClassiclyAmber Photography)

4) SouthPark real estate in Charlotte, NC

I will never own (nor would I want to~ too much cleaning) any of these ridiculously large and expensive homes, but I just love driving through the various neighborhoods checking out architecture and landscaping.  If only I could see the inside of one of these suckers....

Tour of Homes here I come!!

5) Our home and our jacked up grass

Having mentioned #4, I have to pay particular attention to our home.  It's smaller, we have ugly lanscaping (though this pic shows the old~ we've perked it up a bit), and I hate cleaning this one too, but it is truly our safe haven.  It is where we have fun as a family, where memories are made and where God keeps us warm and dry.  I'm so thankful for this house.

6) My Family

They're creepy and their kooky....oh wait...

Seriously, I love my family.  We're a weird bunch and some might even call us a little crazy.  But I'd rather be called crazy and be rich in love and joy then to be sane and not know a hill of beans about it.

7) My Friends (both real and bloggy)

You know who you are.

It seems as if some of us have been cut from the same cloth.  For others, we are as different as different can be.  But I love you all.  You spark inspiration in my day and help me to strive at being all the Kelli I can be!  Thank you.

8) My Klean Kanteen

Ok, so I was trying not to go with actual products (though there will be another one at end), but honestly, I'd be lost without this lil' baby.  27oz of pure water fun.  I used to never drink water, but now that I keep Barky (affectionately named because the color happens to be called Tree Bark) with me at all times, I get my fair share of H2O in.

9) My Cookbooks

Thanks to my aunt for downsizing her roughly 1000 cookbook collection years ago, I got to start my own.  Note: this is but a fraction of what I have now.  I love looking through these darlings.  Oh...the food, the photography, the instruction.

I think from now on, instead of sitting in a bookshelf only to be used when I cook, I'm going to make some of these beauties coffee table books!

And last but not least...

10) My new Natural Home Bamboo Cookbook Stand

I just got this from Target today.  I've been in the market for a stand for some time and though I originally wanted something metal, I couldn't resist the streamlined design of this one.  I can't wait for it to cradle one of the beloveds from above.

I'm sharing this as part of Works for me Wednesday at We are That Family

and

Things I Love Thursday at The Diaper Diaries.

Hop on over to see what everyone else is writing about!

Blessings,