My Answer...

Photo Courtesy of ClassiclyAmber

My little family and I.  Wonderful husband.  Three amazing children.  And one on the way.

The farther along in this pregnancy I get, the more I grow and prepare, the more I'm faced (almost everyday) with the question, "Are you done?"  Family asks me.  Friends ponder.  Well-meaning strangers inquire.  Even my own heart and mind settles in on the often wondered little detail.

Am I done having children?

With every baby I've determined that we were in fact "done' after each one.  I'd deliver and for two years I'd explain time and time again, "Nope, we're done.  Not having anymore children."  But inevitably, every time, we WOULD NOT be done.  Another would soon be joyfully welcomed into our family.  

Then it would start all over.

Here we are a fourth time around and I believe I may have learned my lesson.  In fact, when a friend asked, yet again, not so long ago if we were planning on more babies, my answer even shocked me.

"I don't know."  

I really don't know.  I have felt done with each child and God has renewed my Spirit and worked on my heart.  He has given me strength when I thought I didn't have it in me to mother another single human.  And now, I don't feel done.  I'm right on the cusp of birthing a precious little baby into this world and the prospect of more doesn't absolutely terrify me. 

I'm getting older.  Our home is only so big.  Sometimes I feel completely inadequate at being mama to the children I do have.  And all the reasons the world is throwing at me...

Kids are expensive.

What about you time?

Don't you look forward to them becoming more independent?

You can't possibly homeschool that many.

How do you show enough love to each individual child?

And on and on and on....

Really, if I'm logical, I have everything to be terrified of.

But.  

I don't know if we're done.

And that's ok.

God's call of my life may be completely different than what His call is for you.

   It's about me submitting my will to His.  And though it isn't easy to do...  

That's just where my faith comes in.  

My child bearing days will be over all too soon and I will be able to answer with confidence that our family is complete.  Until then, only God knows the number of children He wishes to give me.  Only God can bring peace to my heart and to the heart of my husband...truly it's a matter not meant for the masses, but one met in union with Christ and the man He blessed me with.  It might not make sense.  It might not look ideal.  It may not fit what society says.

And I may often look as if I'm learning as I go...wandering aimlessly through my life that is motherhood.  I probably am.

No...I definitely am.

But I can say, without a doubt, when it comes to this decision it is one that is met prayerfully.  It is one when the whole idea seems upside down to everyone else...

Jesus says to me, 

"You're not old."

"Square footage doesn't make what a home is."

"I will provide."

"Find rest in Me."

"True freedom comes only from depending on Me."

"You can do anything with My strength."

"Your heart is big enough."

and...

"I'll give you the grace, the patience, the love for more children than you can imagine.  They are all such a blessing."

"JUST. TRUST. ME."

So with that, I can't wait to meet our newest addition.  I'm furiously knitting for him, preparing diapers, washing tiny baby gowns and praying over the little boy he's destined to grow up to be.

And if there are more...I can't wait for them either.

Dear Jesus,

I praise you for the work you've done in me...and I trust that you have a great many things in store for my family, however big or small, we may be.  Lord, I thank you for the children you have blessed me with.  I thank you for being present with me and teaching me Your ways and Your heart with each one.  I'm such a project, but You never give up.  You are constantly loving on me and showing me Your will for my life.  I welcome whatever You bring my way.

I love you.

Amen

Goings On...

Here's a few pictures of what's been going on around our home the last few days.  I'm trying to make an effort in finding beauty and joy in the simple stuff.  These moments, uncaptured, may seem insignificant...but when paid attention to, particularly when viewed through a lens, they are indeed magnificent.  What a splendid time for our family.  A time when play and painting abound.  When daddy gets to be home a little more then usual.  Baked bread is smelled throughout the house.  My littlest little is into everything.  My oldest little helps fold her sister's diapers.  And mommy gets to catch up on her reading.

Thank you, Jesus for my life.

Blessings on your day,

Kelli



{this moment}...

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

~Inspired by SouleMama

Sisterly love.

Being silly.

Playful make believe.

Handmade treasures.

Cool weather PJs.

"Pause, savor, remember."

Weekend blessings to you.

Kelli

 

{this moment}...

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

~Inspired by SouleMama

(I know it says no words, but I just have to say something!)

My littlest little loving her avocado.  Boy, it's so messy (that and sweet potatoes), but it gives me the greatest joy to clean up after these fun-filled, food slinging, baby meal explorations! 

She's just so darn cute!

Weekend blessings coming your way!

Kelli

A Letter...

Dear You Know Who You Are,

In light of yesterday's post on my being mad, I thought it best to address why (at least partially why) my days are spent living in the past.

I should have had this on my to-do list as I've been planning a letter of this sort for quite some time.  I just haven't had the courage to put pen to paper. But seeing as there has yet to be any closure for me, I felt this might be a therapeutic exercise in not just release, but possibly even forgiveness.

Consider this public diatribe the best, most gentle emotion I could muster. Especially since I have wanted nothing more then for this to end up in your mailbox...with a few more choice words included.

So I hope you're reading. In fact...I'll count on it that you are. Regardless, I will consider myself done with this...with my hurt...and with you as soon as I hit the post button. Suffice it to say, this letter and my washing my hands of my experience is the first step (in what I'm sure are many) to my piecing my faith, my self-esteem, and my heart back together after what you put me through.

First of all...to call yourself a midwife is comical. To label yourself as a helper is laughable. To claim your services a ministry is blasphemous.

You have scarred me for life in attempting what you knew from the beginning you were not capable of. You have taken my dreams and ideas of what birth is and you have jaded me. You have given good midwives a bad name. You have made me doubt my body...the process...and trust.

After preaching how to dissolve fear and build confidence...you were the one that instilled fear in me and shot the amount of confidence I had in my body to have my baby. I have had to forgive myself time and time again for what you did...or didn't do rather. It wasn't ME (or my issues) that was preventing my labor from progressing as you stated over and over. No. It was you. My body was simply protecting itself and the baby within me from you and your warped sense of birth.

You gave up. You grossly overestimated your qualifications. You wanted to leave me when I was 8cm. You argued with me. You lied. You even told me you were in no condition to help me since I'd been in labor for so long. 

You were supposed to lend encouragement.  Comfort.  Sincerity.  You asked me three days before I went into labor what I wanted my birth to be.  And my answer was simply...the calmest, most stress-free experience possible.  You successfully gave me the exact opposite.  And everything you have seemingly worked torwards in your study and practice of midwifery...you marred that day.  You abandoned your duty and your commitment.

Even in the aftermath, you reminded me that what you promised was to be my servant, not my Savior.  And trust me, I never once expected to be saved.  But you did indeed fail miserably at serving.

Because of this I likely will never have the birth I had so hoped for.  I don't know that I could now find the courage to attempt a homebirth again.  Certainly I want more children, and I believe God will guide me and protect me in how they arrive, but thanks to your antics, I do now fear birth.  Certainly I still believe that women can have beautiful homebirths and no doubt I will always support it, but how can I bounce back from being one of the ones who didn't...not due to medical emergency, but instead because of selfish gain.

I have to say now that up to this point, the blame has been entirely directed towards you.  But in all honesty, I have to accept part of it, too.  I was negligent in choosing you to attend my birth.  Because I trusted you and your price was right.  Because you were a follower of Jesus.  Because you spoke soothingly and had glowing credentials, I allowed myself to be fooled.  I believed what I wanted to believe and ultimately I made a wrong decision.  And beyond that wrong decision, I went on to have the exact opposite birth (c-section) that I had originally planned because I gave up.  I have blamed giving up and requesting a surgical birth on you, but the truth is, that's not your fault.  I chose that.  You simply contributed to the exhaustion prior to my  making that decision.

I think it's important to note that I wish you no ill will.  I don't hate you.  And from this point on, I will commit to praying for you.  I can be thankful that God was with me when you were not.  I can praise Him that through all of it He protected me, my baby and my family.  And I can only turn to Him from now on as He has placed a desire on my heart to one day become a birth professional myself.  To educate.  To protect.  To advocate for.  To be a voice.  But most of all, to love and truly minister to women and their babies.  I can only be appreciative in accepting that you were part of that grand plan for my future, because God is going to turn my pain into something beautiful I'm sure of it.

And so the moment we've all been waiting for...I know I have...  After all the hurt of these last seven months I choose to move on.  I choose joy.  And I choose to forgive you. 

I do...I forgive you.

Kelli

Healing...

I took a bath last night.

It was the first bath (in my big tub) since the birth of my daughter over a month ago. 

You might wonder why this is worthy of a blog post, but if you know my birth story (I'll have to share it on here sometime) it took that entire month for me to even be able to look at the tub, much less get in it.

It was there that I did most of my laboring.

It was there, in that tub, that I pushed...only to be told to stop pushing because I wasn't fully dialated like we originally thought.

It was there that I argued with my midwife about her responsibilities.

And it was there that I decided to go to the hospital.

That tub, to me represented for the longest time, the place in which I would birth my baby.  But in the end, it became the place where my plans for a homebirth would take a drastic turn.

In that month I've thought so much about that night and all the details of it. 

I've gone from numb to angry to sad to defensive to numb again.

And now I've come to acceptance.

I planned a homebirth.

It didn't go as planned.

Even once at the hospital I could have stuck to having a natural labor and delivery, but I gave in and requested a c-section.

Didn't have to have one.

I asked for one.

I've had to heal from the whole ordeal, but mostly this desicion alone.

As a self-proclaimed semi-crunchy mom, it hurts a little bit knowing I allowed myself to get to that point.

Once we decide we want things to be a certain way, it's hard to come to terms sometimes with the fact that we might change our minds.  That we are allowed to change our minds.

I was allowed to change my mind.  And I did.

Yet I still felt I failed somehow.  After 32 hours of labor, 24 of which were natural and drug-free...I felt like a failure because I asked for a c-section.

I was so concerned about Jon being disappointed in me.  Of course he was my rock...and my pillar of strength.  He supported me every step of the way.

The only one disappointed was me.

Before last night in that tub, despite seeing God's hand and hearing His prompts in the whole situation, I felt like I needed to defend my actions. 

I am a homebirther...at heart anyway.  So when given the opportunity I think I have to spill into detail about how I had this grand plan.....blardy, blardy, blar...

I don't have to explain myself.  Nor do I have to defend anything.

I have a beautiful, healthy girl.

I'm healthy.

And I'm still a semi-crunchy, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, non-vaxing, all while feeding my eldest Mickie D's nutty mom.

I'm so proud of who I am.  And most of all who I'm responsible for...my precious family.

Last night in that tub I was reading a mommy devotional that was titled, oddly enough, "Mommy's locked in the bathroom."  And at the end of the devotional the Scripture listed was...

~Even youths grow tired and weary, and young stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

Isaiah: 40:30

I've been tired and weary from the moment I went into labor.  I stumbled throughout the whole experience.  I've fallen more than I care to admit since then.

But all throughout I have had hope in my Lord.  That He would renew me and my strength.  He has done just that.

Physically.

But His guidance and reassurance the entire way has renewed my strength both mentally and spiritually as well.

My plan was not His plan, but His plan has shown me the true meaning of healing.  And healing is exactly what I'm doing.  It's a good feeling.

Because goodness gracious...I love my tub.

Hello...Is it me you're looking for?

I had hoped I hadn't lost you forever.

The way pregnancy tends to go, I was beginning to wonder.

But you're back and I'm oh so glad.

With a few new tweeks of course, but that's ok.

Now you have lumps and bumps, a little more sag and some stretchmarks, too.

Even a battle scar to prove your latest babe did in fact come from your womb.

Your skin is reaking havok and your hair is a wirey mess.

But, let's look on the bright side...

You can fit in your pre-pregnancy jeans again.  And most importantly your wedding ring, too.

Welcome back my non-pregnant self.  I have missed you terribly.

You don't know how nice it is to see you again.

Stick around for a while if you don't mind.

Fed...

Having a newborn has proven to be very time consuming.  Having a newborn and a toddler...consequently all I do is nurse and discipline.  Cuddle and rock to sleep.  Laundry and dishes.  But I think it goes without saying I rarely have time to myself.  To bathe, much less blog.

Sorry for the long absence.  But doesn't it makes a heart grow fonder?  I've missed you.

Motherhood taught me so much the first time around...about myself.  This time I'm learning equally as much...about God's grace.

As I sit with my baby to my breast, I notice how intent I am that she recieve that nourishment.  Despite the pain that goes with it in the first weeks.  I revel at the dedication it takes because breastfeeding isn't fun, particularly in the beginning.  The enjoyment comes, at least for me, later on once we've grown accustomed to one another and babe has figured out their latch. 

It makes me think of those Tribal women on the front of National Geographic with a baby nursing from their lap.  The image I have is one of a malnourished woman often with a toddler latched on.  It looks painful as her breast hangs from the child's mouth.  But how else would that baby thrive?  Where else would it's food come from in a world where food is sparse?

The mother is...Intentional.  Dedicated.  The baby is...Fed.

As moms we look to our futures with our children with happy hearts at all the joys they bring to our lives.  But it isn't until we're in the thick of parenting that we realize how hard it is.  The sacrifice that's required of us so that our children thrive and are healthy and fed. 

Being a mom is a joy.  But it hurts sometimes, too.

No one tells us girls that when we're stuffing bridal magazines and baby names in our keepsake boxes.

Yet, with all the physical pain nursing can bring, and all the emotional and spiritual pain I know I'll feel as my girls grow, I look down at my babe and peace has overcome her.  My milk is calming her very being.  Filling her tummy and making her sleepy.  She clings to my shirt with one hand.  And a smirk crosses her little face.  Contentment to the max.  Happiness like nothing we've ever known.  She's safe...she's fed and she knows it.

This makes me think of my relationship to Jesus.

How painful was it for Him to carry that cross to Calvary.  And then hang there on it, bound and nailed at both His hands and feet?  How painful was it for Him to bare my sin.  And your sin.  Everyone's sin from begining to end, right there in His sinless body?  And finally, how painful was it for the Son to feel that inevitable seperation from the Father as He took on our every indescretion?

Pain is nothing that Jesus hasn't felt right along side of us.

And how intent is He that we live in relationship to Him?  How dedicated is He that we thrive and are whole and healthy?

It is His biggest wish that we find joy and peace...contentment and nourishment in His love and grace.

For me, to sit and nurse for an hour, though tiring, is nothing if it's for my girl.  But to sit in the presence of my Lord for 15 minutes a day so as to be fed myself...well, I just can't find the time.

If I could speak for Jesus, I would guess He yearns to look down on us, clinging to His robe looking peaceful and calm.  Full spirits and full hearts.  Smiling...knowing that we are safe and cared for.

He does for His children just as we do for our own.

I know I'm in the habit of not making Him my habit.  I know I will make any sacrifice for my children, but I have yet to make a sacrifice for my God.  And now, as a mother of two, it's a realization I'm even more aware of.  To be the mom I so long to be, it's time these sacrifices be made.  And allowing Jesus to feed me is the first step.

Joy...

I was looking around facebook today perusing through the recommended friends that I might know and I came across a young man that I went to high school with. I clicked on his profile because though his name was familiar, I didn’t have a clue who he was from the picture posted. Well, he had some other pictures on there of him and his family and before too long, despite the shaggy beard and long hair, I started to recognize him.

I didn’t befriend him. I didn’t know him well in school…he was one of those “know of” people. But something in his pictures struck me.

Joy.

The pictures of him and his wife, him and his children and even shots of just him, radiated joy.

I was reminded how precious life is. How short our time here on this earth with our loved ones really is.

A stranger, for all practical purposes, in a handful of facebook photos, spoke into my life about the sanctity and sacredness of all the things we have been given responsibilty over this side of heaven.

For those of us that are blessed with partners in this life, we have been given divine responsibility in tending to another’s heart. To care for an nurture an adult, probably completely different from ourselves, in all ways physical, emotional and spiritual.

And for those of us that are parents, we are ordained to train up and lovingly guide our children. We’re beyond blessed to nurse wounds, to wipe away tears, to give piggy back rides, protect, cuddle and live as an example for these little hearts.

But so often, somewhere in there, with the demands of life and heartache and disfunctional upbringings, we lose the joy that is meant…that is necessary in these relationships.

Our marriages are our legacy.

Our babies are our gifts.

And it is up to us to not only conduct these bonds with Joy, but to create Joy for those we are bonding with.

I’ve always imagined traveling far and wide with my family, but because I fall into the “oh, we can’t do that until the kids are older” category I limit myself in what I think we’re capable of doing or not doing. This is a tiny example and kids don’t need cross-country excursions to taste joy, but I find that I place these limitations across the board of my life in a lot of what I do. I become stingy. Disgruntled. And before too long, I won’t even consider going to the park after a rain just to let my girl jump in puddles.

It’s the little things. Smiles and laughter. A little dirt and a lot of fun, literally and figuratively.

And it’s been entrusted to me to create joy in a number of shapes and forms through grace and through love.

I confess to letting things get to me and allowing them to rear their ugly heads when interacting with my husband and daughter. The two people who bring the most peace to my existence, the most happiness to my soul, I take out the bulk of my frustrations on. I sometimes lack joy.

So, in turn, I commit to smiling more. And letting the calm of God’s presence settle over my heart. I commit to kissing my husband and holding tightly to him as if today might be my last. And I commit to being a parent first to my children, but being their friends as well...a woman who they cling to now as their mommy, but will one day cling to as the woman who raised them in faith, strived to make life and learning fun, who would die for them and ultimately the woman who taught them to pass on this same joy it’s taking me a lifetime to learn.

Dear Jesus,

I praise you that you have thought it wise to give so graciously to me my husband and children. They are great and precious responsibities, ones I too often take lightly. But my prayer is that You will give me the wisdom and the strength to be the wife and mother you would have me to be. I yern to love like you love. To parent as you parent. And to walk in joy as you have said I can do through the joy of You…though I will face trial, never once allowing the enemy to snare my steps. Lord, I love you and I thank you so much for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me. Help me to know how to best bring forth fruit from Your havest in my life. You are an amazing God.

I love you.

Amen.



Our children...

(Illustration by Cyd Moore)

My girl.

I could get lost in her hugs.

Her eyes and her dimples and her smell bring me peace.

My heart revolves around her little hand held in mine.

And I don't look forward to the day she stops clinging to my side.

She calls me Mommy.

A Princess.

and pretty.

I am her protection, her strength and her friend.

 I call her baby.

Doodlebug.

and monkey.

She is my faith, my teacher and my everything.

God so blesses us with children, for they are most often wise beyond their years.  They hold an incomprehensible about of love and trust in their little hearts and though they might not share well and may sometimes require timeouts, oh how they can teach us about the complete character of Jesus. 

My prayer is that I heed this wisdom ordained to me in the responsibility of parenting.  That with this highest call and duty, I would extend nothing but grace and love and patience and perseverance in all that I do pertaining to my children.  That through me they will learn even further what the Love of Jesus is and what it means.  But more importantly that through Christ in them, the world can know it, too.

Dear Lord, 

Thank you for my Emma.

And any other children I might be so privileged to care for this side of heaven.

Amen.

(I'm sharing this as part of the Mom's 30-minute Blog Challenge over at Steady Mom.  Check it out!)

Peace be with you, 

Cheap and Semi-Homemade Birthday Parties...

 

Well, I survived!  Emma's 2nd Birthday Party was a huge success!  I think I added a little more stress to the process then was necessary, but it all worked out and she had the time of her life!

I set out on this little adventure with the goal of keeping the entire party (for 30+ guests) under $100.

And let me just say...

I came in right at around $95 for everything!  And I think that's pretty darn good!!

Some may say I set a precident with this party and I'll have to have huge shindigs from this point on.

Some would ask what's the point seeing as Emma probably won't remember any of it.

I threw this party because Emma didn't have a 1st Birthday bash.  And I take great pride in the fact that one day she will look back on these pictures and know that so much love and attention to detail and fun was put on all for her!!  Not to mention, when she's older (and has children of her own) she'll really appreciate the thrifty~ness of it all!!

You might be wondering how I pulled it all off for under $100 and I have two words for you.

Dollar Tree.

Now, some stuff did come from Target and Party City, but most of what was used was either made from supplies from DT or bought and used directly from there.

Here's some pics...

This was Emma's Invitation.  And I simply did this on Microsoft Publisher.  You don't have to be a PhotoShop Junkie (though that helps, too) to come up with simple projects.  I found a personalized invite online that I liked (might I add some were being designed and sold for $12.95 a pop) and I just made my own, using what I found as a foundational idea, but tweaking what I needed here and there.  This included scanning in a picture from one of Emma's Thomas the Train books and incorporating it into the invitation.  I printed out on photopaper that I found at Ollies for $3 a pack.

Balloons came from Dollar Tree as did the plates, cups and napkins.

Of course the Thomas themed items came from Target and/or Party City.

For the favor bags I gave out Bubbles, fruit snacks and personalized bookmarks to each child.

A tutorial for the bookmark can be found HERE.

We're really fortunate to have a neighborhood park (with a nice shelter) right across the street from our house!  This worked out perfectly as we didn't have to reserve it or anything.  FREE!!

I did make a sign for the entrance of the park so everyone would know where to go!  I got the posterboard from the Dollar Tree and because we were having a Thomas Party, I went with an "Island of Sodor" approach!

While we're on the topic of drawing, I found this idea for Pin the Nose on James HERE.  There are so many great resources out there on having DIY birthday parties and the Mom that came up with this game has a whole slew of Thomas Party ideas!  Check it out.  To draw James, again, I used one of Emma's Thomas books as a guide.  I cut out little circles from contruction paper, wrote the kid's names on them and used glue dots to make them stick!

The Dollar Tree had this great little train banner, but I didn't like the middle picture, so I printed out a picture of Thomas and glued him on!  To spruce it up and blend colors a little I added blue stars at each corner!

Because this was a kids party, I kept the snacks simple: pretzels, goldfish and animal crackers, water and apple juice.  I also printed out coloring sheets from PBS and left them on each table for the kids to color and take home.  Party City had the packs of crayons for $0.49 each.

We had Funfetti (box mix) Cupcakes, too! YUM!!

I did not make this cake.  WalMart did.  But it was a petite one (perfect for the Birthday Girl) and only $5.88.  I couldn't resist!

Emma loved it so much she kept giving "Baby Thomas" kisses! =)

Everyone having a good time!  More peeps are on the playground!

Here's the Birthday Girl herself!  I wanted her to have a special Jr. Conductor outfit so I heat-bonded a number two to a t-shirt and hand stitched around the edges.  Did the same for the little Thomas badge I cut from the same fabric.  For her ruffled pants I used THIS TUTORIAL!  I didn't use a pattern, like the instructions, instead I used some of Emma's own pants as a pattern.  And I did cropped pants instead of full-length.

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Girl!  I love you, Emma!

You can stop growing up now!

So there you have it!  Anyone can throw a cheap and semi-homemade Birthday party!  I'd love to hear your ideas, too!  So please share!!

I'm sharing this as part of Works for Me Wednesdays at We Are That Family

and

Things I Love Thursday at Mama Mia!

Check them out!

Would you help me get to 100 followers??

My goal is to reach that (or more) by May 17th!!
I think we can do it!

And to give you a little extra incentive, on that day ALL of my followers will be entered in a really super, Fantabulous Giveway (details later so stay tuned)!! It might include something pretty and kitchen-y :)!!

Blessings,

Have contempt for contempt...

I'll come right out and say it...

I like to argue.

No, not really.  

But I've been told that I do.

Actually, I just like to be right....

and coincidentally, since I'm the domestic leader of my home, what I say goes!!

Momma IS always right.

Does this sound familiar?

Oh boy...does this resonate with me!  I don't like to argue.  Really, I don't.  Yet my mouth gets in my way more often then not.  Especially at home.  And with the ones I love the most.

I have to note here that my husband is a patient and very quiet spirit.  

He has to be to put up with me...

and stay!

Praise Jesus, He blessed me with such a man.

 

Mommy's get tired.  We get burned out.  We carry the weight of the world and every emotion in it on our shoulders.  With work and chores and meals and cleaning and laundry and teaching and raising and baths and discipline and dishes....

So when daddy gets home

"Take the kids.  They're all yours.  I'm taking a bath.  Don't bother me."

"And while you're at it...unload the dish washer, take out the trash, walk the dog and don't even so much as complain about it because if you had had the day I've had..."

Again, I ask, does this sound familiar?

 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

~Ephesians 4:29

So often I totally overlook the day that my husband has had because I'm only focused on the day I'VE had.  And in the moment he comes home, the day that I've had is all that matters in my mind.

That's how being right (being selfish) can land me in an argument.

That's how my totally stressful, overworked day, can turn into crap really quick.

For what?

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

~Titus 2:3-5

The truth is you may not enjoy arguing per se, but when you just have to get that point across, or cut that ugly glance, or have that last word or boss, that's what you're doing...you're stirring an argument.

I'm reading a book and it's theme is so simple, but is so hard for us humans to master in a lot of ways.

"Have contempt for contempt."

con·tempt(per dictionary.com) is : 1) the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless; disdain; scorn. 2) the state of being despised; dishonor; disgrace.

This is a challenge.

But I'm inviting you along with me to have contempt for...

attitude, being right, feeling sorry, nagging.

I'm encouraging you to have contempt for...

the contempt our behavior may create in our husbands and children towards us.

It's a two way street you know.

A vicious cycle if we allow it to be.

Because life is a blessing.  Marriage is a rich union ordained by God and you are your husband's partner for life.  There is no greater gift then children and they learn by our actions.

And we honor God when we are living in obedience to Him as well as to our families.

Dear Jesus,

My morning was a relatively peaceful one, Lord.  Thank you for that.  But so many mornings or days or evenings are not.  Dear God, that is of my own doing.  It is of my own indiscretions and my prayer is that no matter the day or what's going on in it, that you will stir my heart with this message, Lord.  Please remind me to have contempt for contempt.  To cling to you in everything.  To be a blessing to my dear husband and precious children.  And no matter the day's emotional climate, to be thankful for ALL that you have allowed me to live out and experience.

I love you.

I'm sharing this as part of Motivate Me Mondays over at Fifth Street Palace

as well as 

Make Your Home Sing Mondays over at Mom's the Word.

Check them out!

Would you help me get to 100 followers??
My goal is to reach that (or more) by May 17th!!

I think we can do it!

And to give you a little extra incentive, on that day ALL of my followers will be entered in a really super, Fantabulous Giveway (details later so stay tuned)!! It might include something pretty and kitchen-y :)!!

 Be a blessing today,

Every Day is a Gift...

We went home to VA this past weekend to celebrate Emma's birthday with my parents.

It's always challenging traveling with a two-year-old and a dog.

We desperately need a van.

And Emma is cutting her molars.

Away, she will only sleep with Jon and I.

As much as I love spending time with family...

It was good to be back in my own home.

In my own bed.

But while we were gone (and even now that we're back)

something stuck with me.

At my dad's there was a little decorative plaque hanging on a door 

and it said, "Every day is a gift."

Emma kept going back and forth, back and forth to it.  

Touching it.  She even kissed it once.

Then finally she ran up to me, grabbed my hand and pulled me over to it.

She pointed to it.

"Jesus!" she said.

"Jesus is King!"

This lasted for a little bit then she moved on to other things.

And as confused as I was (in that moment) to how she got "Jesus is King" out of the door hanging...

Today I get it.

The wisdom of a toddler...

We all have two-year-old days.

Months.

Years.

Things aren't comfortable.

We're cranky.

We miss out on sleep.

And life seems like one big road trip in an over crowded sedan.

But Jesus IS King.

And every day IS a gift.

From Him.

Won't you be encouraged in that?

Won't you take some time today to practice being in His Presence, amidst all the craziness of your life?

And be thankful.

Because everything, EVERYTHING (every joy, trial, challenge, blessing, lesson and day) is what it is

Because God loves us.

Have faith in that and let it change how we do life.

(I'm sharing this as part of Motivate Me Monday over at Fifth Street Palace.  Check it out!)

Looking for Marking Monday?

Go HERE!

And finally...

Would you help me get to 100 followers??  

My goal is to reach that (or more) by May 17th!!

I think we can do it!
And to give you a little extra incentive, on that day ALL of my followers will be entered in a really super, Fantabulous Giveway (details later so stay tuned)!!  It might include something pretty and kitchen-y :)!!

Blessings,

Right where He wants Me...

We all go through things in our lives that leave us feeling...

hopeless, lonely, uninspired and hurt.

It's inevitable seeing as we live in a fallen world.

Life doesn't always go OUR way.

It's sucks, I know...but that's just how the cards fall.

As Christians, we can have faith that despite all this, there is a loving God in control.

And He has our best interests in mind.

It's a difficult concept to understand.

It's an even more difficult practice to put into play...

Faith in those really unruly times of life.

We all know faith is easiest displayed when things are going the way we want them to.

Not so much when they're not.

I've been having days like this as of late.

Days where all I want to know is why...

Why am I me?

Why am I Jon's wife?

I'll never question why I'm Emma's mother...

But why, of all the things God has called me to, do they so rarely go according to how I think they should go?

It's has caused me great strife.

I get mad because I feel like a failure.

I'm upset because I don't feel loved {like I want to be loved}.

I feel lost because parenting, no matter how beautiful, is hard.

I lose sleep over things that most people probably don't even care about.

And half of the time I feel like I'm crazy because of all it.

Times like this, due to the noise I create on my own...

I don't hear God.

And to me, He feels a million miles away.

In my deepest time of need.

It's not that He's not there...I just don't hear Him.

More so, I block Him out.

Have you ever read Sarah Young's Jesus Calling?

I haven't, not in it's entirety.  I just got it recently, having heard really great things about it.

It's a little devotional book that reads as if Jesus is speaking directly to you.

The day I bought it was a day I was having a really hard time...with everything.

Do you play games with God?

"I'll do this...if YOU do that?"

"We can play by Your rules, so long as they line up with mine..."

and so on and so on.

Or am I the only one that does this?

So I get this book on this really bad day and immediately I start to bargain.

I challange God.

"God, you know, You seem like you could care less right now that I'm hurting as bad as I am...how about You prove me wrong.  Give me an answer...SOMETHING...to let me know you're still there and you do in fact care!"

I opened to the appropriate date in my new devotional and this is what it read...

This is the day that I have made.  Rejoice and be glad in it.  Begin the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring into this brief portion of your life.  Be careful not to complain about anything, not even the weather, since I am the Author of your circumstances.  The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank Me for them.  This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My ways into the situation, so that good emerges from it.

To find joy in this day, you must live within its boundaries.  I knew what I was doing when I divided time into twenty-four -hour segments.  I understand human frailty, and I know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time.  Do not worry about tomorrow or get stuck in the past.  There is abundant life in My Presence today.

~Scripture references Psalm 118:24 and Philippians 3:12-14

I said, "Go ahead God...show me whatcha got!"

And then I got sucker punched in the gut...I got the proverbial baseball bat to the head...I hit the brick wall of God.  The truth hurt and I bargained for more than I could handle.

He said, "Okay, you want the truth...here it is!"

He showed me that He is all I need.  Anything else that I'm under the impression of needing is meaningless.  And that means sacrifice on my part.  Laying down my hurt, my indiscretions, my worries at His feet and knowing that Jesus has died for all of it.  When He created this world, He knew about this day in my life...better still, when He hung on that cross, my broken heart on this very day, is what kept Him there.

And the same is true for you and the yuck in your life.

That's pretty uncomfortable isn't it...knowing that all our junk is no match for God Almighty.  In fact, we should even be thankful for our junk...because Jesus has taken care of it all!! What amazing news!

Dear Jesus, forgive me for questioning Your love for me.  Was it not that love that sent You to Calvary?  Lord, teach my heart to rely only on You, expecting not my way, but Your way for it is best.

I praise you that when I ask for truth, You supply it, no matter how difficult it is to hear.  And I thank you that when I challenge your intentions, You force the submission and repentance of my heart.  All out of adoration for me.  

God, no matter my woes, may you be glorified in everything.  Thank you simply for giving me life.

I love you.

Amen

(I'm sharing this as part of Motivate Me Monday over at The Fifth Street Palace.  Check it out!)

Blessings,