Monday, April 5, 2010

On Writing...


I've often eluded to the fact that there is a book floating around in this ole noggin' of mine.
There's no doubt about it.

And this blog is, in and of itself, the greatest writing therapy I could ever have.

Yet, I feel as if I'm always writing about...
NOTHING.

Maybe that's the wrong word, because I know I write about something, it just feels as if it lacks purpose sometimes.

It's a strange dynamic that I experience with this here blog and the overwhelming pursuit of moving beyond my piddly musings to a more well thought out and constructed prose...on actual paper.

It's a struggle.  A battle of wills.  And it involves God.  My pride.  Lack of confidence and stage fright (or page fright rather) like you would never believe.

I know with every ounce of my soul that what I write about here at SustainingCreativity is what God has called me to write about.  Most of it pertains to my faith and the messiness of my heart and that's all from Him.  But even the quirky little Kelli-isms of my life are His will, I believe, as well.  I pray that this blog and my meanderings honor Him.  That He touches people through it.  That thoughts are provoked and hearts are stirred.

But it's not enough.

I am to a point, in the here and now of my writing, that I am called to something more.

That more is a book.  It's up there in my brain and God keeps telling me to work it out.  He keeps telling me to put a pen to paper and He'll do the rest.  No matter the writer's block or the incomprehensible flow.  "Don't worry about getting published or being read," He says to me.

Just write it down.
So even though I keep telling you all about one day doing it....I have two choices.  I can either quit running my mouth about it, be obedient and do it. 

Or

I can just not do it.

I think I struggle with this because sometimes I lack understanding in the message that I'm to relay to potential readers.  That scares me being the planner that I am.  But I'm missing the point that God is as big as creating the heavens and the earth, parting seas and much much more...you'd think I'd trust Him to guide my words.

It's just a scary idea.

Excuse #1: I don't have time
Excuse #2: I've never written a book therefore I don't know how
Excuse #3: I don't have a Mac (because all great writer's have Mac's right?)
Excuse #4:  If this blog is all about God, then He won't be so upset if I don't aspire to anything else He wills for me.
Excuse #5: Who would read it anyway?
Excuse #6: It's too hard (as I say in my best whiny voice WHILE stamping my foot)

And Excuse #7...

I have had seasons (I'm currently in one) where I have felt I was out of control and everything was beyond my reach.  But in those times, I have always felt I was in control of my writing.  How can I let that go?  And let it be controlled by someone bigger than me?  Without being certain of the final product?

Ahem (can we say control freak?)...
Yep, like I said, pride.

In any event, as much as I would like to go with choice two, my quiet, still whisper of a God is in full tilt bullhorn mode.  And I can't avoid Him.

So...
I guess what I'm trying to say is, in an act of being held accountable, I'm writing a book.
It's going to be hard.  And it's probably going to be a long process.  One that you will tire of me whining about.
But will you join me in this journey?
Will you pray for me as I embark on this call in my life?
I'd so like it if you did!

I'd also like to hear about what God is calling you to in your life...that you might be meeting with resistance.
Tell me about it, please.  There is such strength (and reassurance) in numbers!  I think we'd all be the better in knowing we're not alone and maybe, just maybe, we can help one another along in placing it at the foot of the Cross; truly relinquishing control and letting God do what He does best.

(I'm sharing this as part of the Mom's 30-minute Blog Challenge over at SteadyMom.  Check it out!)

Blessings friends(and thank you for reading),


10 comments:

Sandy said...

Kelli, Thank you for sharing this. Yes, I will pray for you.
I could've written just about exactly the same thing. I think that maybe God is calling me to write a book, also. I need to get focused and do it, also. Thank you again for your inspirtation!

Leah said...

We have the same dream, Kelli. I was just thinking yesterday about the book I want to write and the excuse I gave was, "Well, I guess it will have to wait until I have this baby and it gets older before I'll have time again..." When realistically I have 6 months of free time after I graduate and before the baby comes. That could at least get me started, right?

I'm like you, always finding an excuse rather than just DO IT. Perhaps we should get together over coffee, let our girls play, and talk about plans. We could do this together and encourage one another to keep going :-)

Kathleen@so much to say, so little time said...

I totally understand where you're coming from. I am now (finally) working on submitting a novel that has taken me nearly five years to write, distracted by blogging, articles, essays, and musical composition. I'm going to write about that tomorrow. Anyway, I totally sympathize with the procrastination--and the struggle for balance which trying to mother and write concurrently involves.

steadymom said...

Hi Kelli. That is EXACTLY how I felt through the two years of ups and downs of writing my book, Steady Days. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I was meant to do it. The hardest part was facing self-doubt and fear of failure in the face and doing it anyway.

You can, too. If I could give any advice it would be to start today. Stop thinking about it and just get started. It will all evolve as it should.

Blessings, Jamie

Kim & Dave said...

Yeah....I have visions of one day being a great writer-though I still have no idea what I would write about! I think, for now, my blog is satifying my need to write.

Can't wait to see what you produce!

Annie said...

You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! You can do it!
for it is GOD who is at work in you, both to will and to work HIS GOOD PLEASURE.
You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you.
Go for it sister. Don't hold back! God is on your side - and more importantly, you're on His by following and obeying. Good things await you. I just know it.

se7en said...

Wow you so speak to my heart with this post... and I see a whole lot of others now that I am reading your comments!!!

Jaimie said...

Nice post. I love excuses #1, #2, and #3. One and two are so familiar to me, and three is hilarious. I just came across a great quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: "You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." So simple and so great.

Holly said...

YOU CAN DO IT! But do it for you - because you want to and you love it, because publishing is not easy.

#2 - ask me, I'll help if I can
#3 - I hate my mac - rote all my books on a PC!
#7 - right there with ya...I have an agent asking for books and I cannot pull it together!

passport in my pocket said...

You can definitely do it!

I write for a living and constantly work to push away procrastination, the fear of rejection, fear of failure, etc. It's a daily challenge, but if you feel called and driven to write, it is completely worth it! :)