Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year's Resolutions...sort of, but not really.

I remember this time last year when I posted about New Year's Resolutions.  I had actually resolved not to make resolutions (mainly because I never keep them), but I still had this whole long list of things I hoped to accomplish throughout the year.  As did I the year before as well.  And in some respects I think I can say I held true to most of them, but there are always those couple of ones for me that I miss the mark on year in, year out.  This is normal right?

So this year, 2010, I've decided to take a different approach.  I'm not making resolutions.  Nor am I setting goals (or blogging about them at least).  It goes without saying that there are plenty of things I hope to do or learn or accomplish this year, but having a list seems to always leave me a bit disappointed if everything doesn't get to be checked off come December 31st.  Why do that?

Instead, I'm going with what I feel like is my personal theme for this year.  It will encompass everything I do, be it in my parenting, my marriage, my family/friend relationships.  It will dictate my actions from how I live...wholly.  The way I eat, my body image, the exercise I do.  I will be guided by this theme in how and what I blog about, the work I do, the activities outside of my home that I become a part of.  It will produce in me joy and contentment and love and wisdom.
This whole concept will resonate throughout my entire life and being. 

I've felt God leading me in this direction for at least the last couple of weeks.  But of course I'm known for not listening very well.  I have a horribly bad habit of thinking my way is better...even when God is concerned.  But even as this first day of 2010 is almost over, God's quiet yet emphatic whispers to me have been revealed and reiterated to the utmost extent.  Which is another reason why I know that this year...will be about one thing and one thing only.


Today I have been faced with trials.  Not even 24 hours into the New Year and already I want to take off my many hats and run for the hills.  I think at one point I even questioned why anyone would want to "do" this Christian's too hard.  But fortunately God was speaking to me through a dear friend when she shared 1 Peter 4: 8 with me.  It says, "Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins."

I can get mad and I can get frustrated and I can feel lost and like a failure.  I'm going to mess up, as are the ones around me.  I'm going to not meet some of my goals and I'm going to feel like giving up.  I'm going to have really awesome days and then I'm going to have really poopie days, too.  But in the midst of all of that junk, there is love.  A love that has covered me and all my mess, therefore I too must love in the same way I have been loved by Jesus.

My call to obedience is first and foremost to God and all that entails as a Christ follower.  I'm bad at it and changes need to be made.  I all too often get in my own way, but if this year and all the rest of my years are to be fruitful ones, I must start now.

Dear Jesus, I have timidly walked with you these last few years.  I have been reluctant to fully submit to your Mighty will, Lord and I have felt it.  I have felt it in my bones...the need for a foundation, a support, far greater than what I ever thought I could and tried to give myself.  God I have blatantly ignored your guidance and I have scoffed at your calling on my life.  I have been afraid to follow Your will because it's just not easy.  What I had to learn the hard way was my way is by no means a cake walk either.  Dear Lord, I want this year to be the year of all years...a new decade in which you make me a new me.  As the Psalmist prayed Lord, "Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

Secondly, my call to obedience is in my home, with my family and my husband as the leader of it all.
I'll be perfectly honest with you...I don't jump up and down with glee at this one.  It is something I am convicted about and know with all my heart has taken not just the back burner, but no burner at all and now is the time to let God work.  It's not in my hands to be the wife and the mother and the homemaker I'm meant to be...without Jesus dwelling here in this space amongst us.  He still has a lot of work to do on me in this respect.  I'm a "strong, independent woman" (whatever that means) and the people and relationships I cherish most have suffered because of it.  So...I say again...(it helps when I go back and read this again at various intervals throughout the year)...
Secondly, my call to obedience is in my home, with my family and my husband as the leader of it all.

Lord I suck at being the wife and mother you have commanded me to be, Dear Jesus.  I can't do any of this without you and I pray you will soften my heart, quiet me tongue, ease my impatience and shape me Dear God into the woman I so long to be.  A woman that is wise and committed and eager to make her home and her family one that only honors you.  God, help me to be the woman who is praised by both her children and her husband.  Even more so, Lord, help me to be that woman so that my children and husband are even more blessed by Your love through me.

I have no idea what's in store for this year.  But I know God has some remarkable plans in the works for my life for sure.  It all makes me excited and giddy, but nervous and sick to my stomach as well.  It's like those first few moments before you get on that super scary, exhilarating roller coaster ride.  You think you might wet your pants before you get past the little metal spin gates...all those various feelings of fear and adrenaline rummaging around in you.  Then you get on and hit that first drop and you're screaming and white-knuckling the safety bar.  Your head is pounding back and forth and if you're wearing earrings, they have caused permanent indentations on your neck behind your earlobes from all the bouncing around.  You think you might just die if you plummet to the earth at 90 miles and hour one more time, but then whole ride is over in seconds.  And most of the time you get right back in line and do it all over again.

That's my hope for 2010 and all this obedience theme stuff that I'm confidant is supposed to take place in my life.  It's going to be the thrill ride of all thrill rides and as jello-y as my knees are right now going into this...
I know I won't be able to contain myself when it's time to get back on next year!


What's your theme for this year?
Be blessed, friends.  Be blessed.


Michelle said...

Great idea, Kelli. This past year God has been working on me in a specific area; LOVE. Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength and love your neighbor as yourself. I believe that if I can truly grasp and live what it means to love as God loves us, I will discover life in a whole new way. It is being obedient to what God commands of us. And if I can truly love my son, my daughter, my husband, my friends, my family and my neighbors with deep true love, I will grow in amazing ways. I know it will not be easy and I will fail, but with the gift of Grace through Jesus, I will not give up. I love you and look forward to walking through this year together. Maybe we can be accountability partners with this theme thing this year! Michelle

Christie said...

My themses for this year... Diligence & Joy
The Lord will help me to complete everything before me with JOY!

Christie said...

okay..I spelled themes wrong ;)

Holly said...

I (as always) love this post. I identify with so much of what you goals...Joy - Being present - Putting myself a little higher on the priority list...If I am happy/taken care of of the inside, I am a better wife, mom, everything.

Happy New Year!

Jessica said...

I love your honesty. I too have definitely thought, a time or two, that not being a Christian would be so much easier...thankfully I remember it's not about life being easier, but being made like Jesus.
My theme for the year is for authentic, passionate, and purposeful living...especially in my relationships.