Hello...Is it me you're looking for?

I had hoped I hadn't lost you forever.

The way pregnancy tends to go, I was beginning to wonder.

But you're back and I'm oh so glad.

With a few new tweeks of course, but that's ok.

Now you have lumps and bumps, a little more sag and some stretchmarks, too.

Even a battle scar to prove your latest babe did in fact come from your womb.

Your skin is reaking havok and your hair is a wirey mess.

But, let's look on the bright side...

You can fit in your pre-pregnancy jeans again.  And most importantly your wedding ring, too.

Welcome back my non-pregnant self.  I have missed you terribly.

You don't know how nice it is to see you again.

Stick around for a while if you don't mind.

Fed...

Having a newborn has proven to be very time consuming.  Having a newborn and a toddler...consequently all I do is nurse and discipline.  Cuddle and rock to sleep.  Laundry and dishes.  But I think it goes without saying I rarely have time to myself.  To bathe, much less blog.

Sorry for the long absence.  But doesn't it makes a heart grow fonder?  I've missed you.

Motherhood taught me so much the first time around...about myself.  This time I'm learning equally as much...about God's grace.

As I sit with my baby to my breast, I notice how intent I am that she recieve that nourishment.  Despite the pain that goes with it in the first weeks.  I revel at the dedication it takes because breastfeeding isn't fun, particularly in the beginning.  The enjoyment comes, at least for me, later on once we've grown accustomed to one another and babe has figured out their latch. 

It makes me think of those Tribal women on the front of National Geographic with a baby nursing from their lap.  The image I have is one of a malnourished woman often with a toddler latched on.  It looks painful as her breast hangs from the child's mouth.  But how else would that baby thrive?  Where else would it's food come from in a world where food is sparse?

The mother is...Intentional.  Dedicated.  The baby is...Fed.

As moms we look to our futures with our children with happy hearts at all the joys they bring to our lives.  But it isn't until we're in the thick of parenting that we realize how hard it is.  The sacrifice that's required of us so that our children thrive and are healthy and fed. 

Being a mom is a joy.  But it hurts sometimes, too.

No one tells us girls that when we're stuffing bridal magazines and baby names in our keepsake boxes.

Yet, with all the physical pain nursing can bring, and all the emotional and spiritual pain I know I'll feel as my girls grow, I look down at my babe and peace has overcome her.  My milk is calming her very being.  Filling her tummy and making her sleepy.  She clings to my shirt with one hand.  And a smirk crosses her little face.  Contentment to the max.  Happiness like nothing we've ever known.  She's safe...she's fed and she knows it.

This makes me think of my relationship to Jesus.

How painful was it for Him to carry that cross to Calvary.  And then hang there on it, bound and nailed at both His hands and feet?  How painful was it for Him to bare my sin.  And your sin.  Everyone's sin from begining to end, right there in His sinless body?  And finally, how painful was it for the Son to feel that inevitable seperation from the Father as He took on our every indescretion?

Pain is nothing that Jesus hasn't felt right along side of us.

And how intent is He that we live in relationship to Him?  How dedicated is He that we thrive and are whole and healthy?

It is His biggest wish that we find joy and peace...contentment and nourishment in His love and grace.

For me, to sit and nurse for an hour, though tiring, is nothing if it's for my girl.  But to sit in the presence of my Lord for 15 minutes a day so as to be fed myself...well, I just can't find the time.

If I could speak for Jesus, I would guess He yearns to look down on us, clinging to His robe looking peaceful and calm.  Full spirits and full hearts.  Smiling...knowing that we are safe and cared for.

He does for His children just as we do for our own.

I know I'm in the habit of not making Him my habit.  I know I will make any sacrifice for my children, but I have yet to make a sacrifice for my God.  And now, as a mother of two, it's a realization I'm even more aware of.  To be the mom I so long to be, it's time these sacrifices be made.  And allowing Jesus to feed me is the first step.

Joy...

I was looking around facebook today perusing through the recommended friends that I might know and I came across a young man that I went to high school with. I clicked on his profile because though his name was familiar, I didn’t have a clue who he was from the picture posted. Well, he had some other pictures on there of him and his family and before too long, despite the shaggy beard and long hair, I started to recognize him.

I didn’t befriend him. I didn’t know him well in school…he was one of those “know of” people. But something in his pictures struck me.

Joy.

The pictures of him and his wife, him and his children and even shots of just him, radiated joy.

I was reminded how precious life is. How short our time here on this earth with our loved ones really is.

A stranger, for all practical purposes, in a handful of facebook photos, spoke into my life about the sanctity and sacredness of all the things we have been given responsibilty over this side of heaven.

For those of us that are blessed with partners in this life, we have been given divine responsibility in tending to another’s heart. To care for an nurture an adult, probably completely different from ourselves, in all ways physical, emotional and spiritual.

And for those of us that are parents, we are ordained to train up and lovingly guide our children. We’re beyond blessed to nurse wounds, to wipe away tears, to give piggy back rides, protect, cuddle and live as an example for these little hearts.

But so often, somewhere in there, with the demands of life and heartache and disfunctional upbringings, we lose the joy that is meant…that is necessary in these relationships.

Our marriages are our legacy.

Our babies are our gifts.

And it is up to us to not only conduct these bonds with Joy, but to create Joy for those we are bonding with.

I’ve always imagined traveling far and wide with my family, but because I fall into the “oh, we can’t do that until the kids are older” category I limit myself in what I think we’re capable of doing or not doing. This is a tiny example and kids don’t need cross-country excursions to taste joy, but I find that I place these limitations across the board of my life in a lot of what I do. I become stingy. Disgruntled. And before too long, I won’t even consider going to the park after a rain just to let my girl jump in puddles.

It’s the little things. Smiles and laughter. A little dirt and a lot of fun, literally and figuratively.

And it’s been entrusted to me to create joy in a number of shapes and forms through grace and through love.

I confess to letting things get to me and allowing them to rear their ugly heads when interacting with my husband and daughter. The two people who bring the most peace to my existence, the most happiness to my soul, I take out the bulk of my frustrations on. I sometimes lack joy.

So, in turn, I commit to smiling more. And letting the calm of God’s presence settle over my heart. I commit to kissing my husband and holding tightly to him as if today might be my last. And I commit to being a parent first to my children, but being their friends as well...a woman who they cling to now as their mommy, but will one day cling to as the woman who raised them in faith, strived to make life and learning fun, who would die for them and ultimately the woman who taught them to pass on this same joy it’s taking me a lifetime to learn.

Dear Jesus,

I praise you that you have thought it wise to give so graciously to me my husband and children. They are great and precious responsibities, ones I too often take lightly. But my prayer is that You will give me the wisdom and the strength to be the wife and mother you would have me to be. I yern to love like you love. To parent as you parent. And to walk in joy as you have said I can do through the joy of You…though I will face trial, never once allowing the enemy to snare my steps. Lord, I love you and I thank you so much for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me. Help me to know how to best bring forth fruit from Your havest in my life. You are an amazing God.

I love you.

Amen.



Be still...

I was struck by a song I heard on the radio this morning. It really resonated with me and though a Christmas song, I think it can speak volumes into my life right now as well as in the days and months to come.

Amy Grant’s “I Need a Silent Night”.

The chorus says it all….

I need a silent night, a holy night

To hear an angel voice through the chaos and the noise

I need a midnight clear, a little peace right here

To end this crazy day with a silent night

It’s the holidays which in terms of busyness needs no explaination.

I’m expecting our second child, again…needing no further detail.

My girl is growing leaps and bounds before my eyes and craves, right here and right now, “togever” time with her mama. I know this won’t last forever.

With the dawn of a new year, I cast my gaze upon a multitude of changes in my life. None bad, but all very scary. And consuming.

Everything in this world around me is whirling and in my head I hear this song…

I need a silent night, a holy night…to end this crazy day with a silent night.

But in reality, it’s not just a night I need. What I really need and what God is gently yet persistently calling me to is having a “silent life”.

He is urging me to lay it all down…at the foot of the cross and let Him do what he is so very good at doing. He’s telling me over and over, just be still and know that I have it all under control.

But my feeble brain tells me I’m nesting and I have to get this checklist of stuff done before the baby gets here. The season tells me that I have to have THE perfect gift for everyone on my list and some of them need to be handmade. Oy.

My daughter is telling me that she knows her world is about to be rocked when her sister comes into this life and I translate that into having craft time and dance time and movie time…

My Lord and Savior tells me to go out into the world and make disciples in all the nations baptizing in His name.

And I’ve got laundry and dishes and church responsibilities and bills and what about down time?

What about me time? Or time for my husband?

It’s overwhelming. It’s too much.

But it doesn’t have to be.

If I’m being frank…all of it, every last bit…is self imposed.

I don’t need the perfect gift for everyone. In fact, gifts aren’t what it’s about at all is it?

This baby is coming into this world whether the dishes are done or not. Why have checklists and gridcharts to map out what ultimately I can’t control or change anyway?

My girl doesn’t crave activities…she craves me. So what about just…cuddle time?

And what if…just what if going out and making disciples is less about the “doing” and more about “being”? We don’t have to make it difficult, because it’s not.

I recently told a friend that in order to live out our lives for Jesus we had to be willing to DO just as He did. Looking back, now I think I was a bit wrong in that…

Truly we hold the power of the Holy Spirit within us to do just as Jesus did on this earth. But I think we, and I’m really referring to myself, tend to take that to mean we are the ones DOING it. When in reality we aren’t DOING anything. God is doing it, through us. We are but a vessel…He doesn’t need our help… with anything in this life. He is the Almighty God of the Universe, surely He could snap His fingers and all would be done. Why do we constantly nip at his heels hoping to help things along? Hoping to make things better? Striving to organize and strategize, staking our claims, making our marks, making/having the best____(fill in the blank) etc., etc.

He calls us not to do. He calls us to be. Be examples of his love and grace and joy. He calls us to be willing to let Him work through us. He’s calling us to chip away the “just good” for the “truly great.” To be able to lay our everything on the alter of sacrafice and let Him work His will in the refining flames.

He calls us to be still.

We have Thanksgiving under our belts now as the Holiday season surges forward. Oh, and there is so much to be thankful for.

Won’t you take time to bask in that thankfulness. To revel in the beauty that is being in God’s presence. Christmas is upon us and Jesus came to us in a silent night so that we might have eternal rest in Him.

Be.

Still.

In.

It.

Rest. In. It.

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for your love…your mighty, convicting love. Remind me that my reasoning and scheduing and to-do’s and holiday rushes are irrelevant in Your infinite and amazing plan for my life. Assure me that the blessings I have and the accomplishments I aspire to are not of my doing, but of yours. Use me Jesus…in such a way that my life, through the simplicity of being still in Your power and grace, is a testament to those around me. Thank you for Your love for me and this world. Thank you for coming to us in the form of a child. Thank you for Your life. And for Your death on the cross. What more needs to be done…for You have done it all.

I love you.

Amen.

Stupid...

 I grew up being taught that the word "stupid" was a bad word and unacceptable.  In fact, the one spanking I remember receiving from my Papa (who never spanked) was because I said "stupid".

Maybe it's trivial...but I determined long ago that my children wouldn't use the word either.

And it's a tough rule to follow because sometimes it sounds so fitting in certain contexts, but really, if you think about it, "stupid" (or any other similar word) is unnecessary to use.

As I've started reading the book of Matthew the last couple of weeks, it's funny, this was brought to light in one particular Scripture that had me both proud for implementing this rule, but also extremely enlightened at that severity in which it's discussed by Jesus.

Our words are precious.  And we must...MUST chose them wisely.

You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment."  But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. (NLT)

~Matthew 5:21-23

This is pretty serious stuff, people.

Wouldn't you know it, Emma heard it for the first time not too long ago (not by her mother or father I might add) and now it's become more and more of a favorite word of hers.

It's her "button" word when she wants to trip ALL my buttons.

She'll look at me or her daddy and say, "sssssssssssssss-TUPID, Mommy".  Or, "ssssssssssssssss-TUPID, Daddy."

A test.

And right, wrong or indifferent, I just don't think it's a word any two year old child should run around reciting.  It's just not nice.  Therefore we've taken to repremanding her when she says it.

Some would say this was too harsh...it's JUST a word for crying out loud!

In fact, the very person Emma heard it from recently pointed out to me that in the Message version of the Bible, "stupid" was in fact used. 

Given the above verse, I had a sneakin' suspicion I might know of at least one particular Scripture that used the word so I looked it up.

And sure enough...

"You're familiar with the command to the ancients, 'Do not murder.' I'm telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother 'idiot!' and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell 'stupid!' at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill. (The Message)

~Again Matthew 5:21-23

My point is this:

Regardless of whether we take this verse literally or figuratively, the truth is (and Jesus is saying this, ya'll) our words hold a power in them that we can barely even begin to comprehend.  They can destroy relationships, they can shatter self-esteem.  Words can communicate hate, disrespect and as an example of the latest Bullying deaths, words can kill.  What we say can strike at the heart of souls.  And in the case of believers, the words we chose can either back-up or negate our testimony for Christ.    

My challenge to everyone reading is to be thoughtful of what you say in the coming days.  Be aware of your responses with your loved ones, your co-workers and even the guy who cut you off in traffic.  Consider the verbage your children are picking up on and/ or using at school or Facebook.

And do something about it.

Make a change and stop spewing off at the mouth.

Because you don't always know who's listening or who it's affecting.

One day, it could come back to affect you.

Let's stay true to the old saying, "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all."

I know this is something that's going to take a lot of work on my part.  But I'm with you on this walk.

Our words...

It really, truly is serious business.  Think about it, folks.

Dear Jesus,

Guide my mouth and the words and tone and attitude that come from it, Lord.  I ask that you give me only love to speak of and the patience to hold my tongue when anything less wants to come flying out.

Lord, I ask that you give me the strength and wisdom, despite what others think, to teach my children both Your Word and Your words.  May You, through me, instill in them the very same love.  May the importance of what they say always be on their hearts and I pray all that flows from their lips is truth and grace.

I love you.

Amen 

God Eavesdrops...

Remember that infamous church sign I saw a couple weeks ago that read,

"Short Sermon Week"?

Well, again on my way to work today I passed the same sign and now it reads,

"God Eavesdrops".

This sign makes me think. 

I'm starting to take a liking to it.

I was seeing this right at the exact moment that I was marveling over God's providence...

and in utter amazement that He IS involved in the minute details of our lives.

I was riding the fine line of wonder and doubt.

Does God really care about that?

Oh, He eavesdrops alright...

But it goes way beyond that as well.

I experienced an answered prayer today.  Nothing earth shattering.  Nothing major.  But a prayer nonetheless.  I had a simple worry that I let get to me until a few days ago when I said...you know what...God did not create me to worry.  Tomorrow can worry for itself.

And I handed it over to Jesus.

Today, my worry no longer exists because God provided an answer to my need.

The thing with eavesdropping is you can choose to sit on the learned info or you can use it.

God already knows what's in your heart so He doesn't have to "eavesdrop" per se.  I think what He's intent on hearing is...

your surrender.

So He can move in your life.

God can do anything...

He can change any heart...

He can move mountains and remove any obstacle...

Regardless.

He is involved in every facet of our lives.

Because He loves us.

But sometimes, not that He's standing idly by, we're just too busy paying attention to all the other junk plaguing our lives to notice that God is on our side.

He's eavesdropping and He's doing something about it.

Because He loves us.

We just have to learn to accept it and let Him.

Then be amazed.

Dear Jesus,

I love knowing that you take care in the little things of my life.  You are involved with everything, both big and small, that consumes my heart and my mind.

Lord, I give it to you.  And I beg you to work in my life and in the lives of those I love.

I pray you open our eyes to Your majesty and Your handiwork, no matter the concern or the worry.

Amaze us with Your attentiveness.

And answer our prayers, please Dear God, in Your will and Your way.

I love you,

Amen

Simple...

On my way to work today I passed by a church.

You know how most churches have signs out front with some sort of message?

Sometimes they're witty like...

"CH__CH.  What's missing?  UR."

(bu dump bump ching)

or

"Autumn leaves - Jesus doesn't."

Sometimes the signs simply state what's going on.

The church I passed today..their sign read this:

"Short Sermon Week."

And though I don't think it was intentional on the part of the sign, I found this extrememly funny.

I laughed out loud.

Then my mind started reeling...

Did the pastor do that to bring people in?  Because everyone LOVES a short message.

Was it a ploy...?  We'll put Short Sermon Week on the sign to bring in the masses and then once they're in here we'll have a play on words and then make them sit for over an hour."

Or, is it really Short Sermon Week?  Is there a game that Preacher wants to get to so for the sake of honesty he's being up front and letting people know..."Hey guys, I've got VIP tickets to X game and church is gonna be over by 11:53 on Sunday."

It made me think of my Dad's pastor who tells everyone ahead of time the Lord has a lot for him to say on that day so get comfortable.

Most people look forward to the idea of Short Sermons.

I for one enjoy a well thought-out and prayerful sermon.  And if that means on the longer side, then so be it.

But from a societal standpoint, we (being the instant gratification, On Demand, DVR, Call Ahead, X-press Pay, WiFi everywhere, I-Phone addicted, Gotta Have it Now, More More More, Me Me Me people we are) have schedules and things to take care off.  The shorter the message the better.  Sunday (or Saturday~ whichever you prefer) is not a day of rest anymore...it's just another day and church can tend to tap into that day that you still need to GET STUFF DONE!

I love learning the in's and out's of Scripture from someone else's perspective.  And if that means sitting for 45 minutes vs. 12 minutes, then that's ok by me.

I like to take notes and soak in what the Holy Spirit is impressing upon my heart in that time.

I enjoy the academic side of it...the preparation and prayer and research and time that goes into what I hope most pastors put into their sermons.  If I were preaching and did all that work, I'd make it long too.

Short Sermon Week

But as all this was going through my mind and I was becoming a bit offended by this sign, God said to me...

"Is that the point?"

Hmmm....

When asked to draw a heart do we draw this?

Or this?

We draw the more simple one don't we?

So why do we, make the message of Jesus so complicated?

Again I thought back to the sign and it occurred to me maybe the pastor is just bringing simple back for a week.

No bells, no whistles, no expository research, no theological training necessary, anyone and everyone can understand...Short Sermon Week.

Because though the life and times before, during and after Jesus are important and interesting and in depth and even necessary for a believer to embrace and learn about at somepoint...

The Message of Jesus is Simple.

In fact, my two year old sums it up perfectly....

Jesus is God.

He was born a baby to His mommy Mary.

When He was big He died on a cross for our sins.

Because He loves us.

He went to Heaven.

But He'll come again.

And we'll get to meet Him.

We can make things really hard sometimes what with all the denominational disagreements and idiosyncracies.  Shoot, most members of ONE individual church have different beliefs most the time!

And we let all that get in the way.

We make it unnecessarily difficult, when it really isn't difficult at all.

But Jesus says,

"Just know me.  That's all."

The Great Big God of the Universe, who hung all the stars in the sky and who made our complex brains, bodies and hearts asks us to simplify.

I Am God.

I made everything you see, yet I came to this earth as a mere babe...defenseless and dependant.

I died a criminal's death.  Hung.  On a cross.

For You.

Because I love you.

I am in Heaven.

But you'll see Me again soon.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you.  Thank you that you have given us brains and hearts to learn about and feel Your message and love.  But praise and glory be to You, Lord that it's a simple one.  One that is meant for everyone, big and small, young and old, every color and creed, from all walks of life.

Speak it to us daily, Jesus.  And give us courage to share it, Lord.

I love you.

Amen