We went to church yesterday. It has been a long time since we've been. Too long actually. We are searching for a church home and the process has been such an arduous task (always is) that we put it on the back burner for a while. I'm ready to get back to it though. Both my heart and my spirit are in need of it... The worship. The teaching. The fellowship.
The message was quite timely and appropriate for me. It was a new series on winter. Specifically, the winter of our souls. To sum it up, we all, at some point, go through personal winters with trials and cold and loneliness. I couldn't agree more. I myself am just coming out of my winter. Only now am I able to look back and see how my pain spurred me on in my growth.
2011 was a hard year for me both emotionally and spiritually. I wasn't able to allow myself grace... much less from God or others. I tried to forage through alone. And granted, I still made it out. It would have been much easier (if winters are easy) if I had sought Jesus along the way. I'm learning, in hindsight of course, that I'm not left alone...to my own devices. For even when I have no one, I still have my Father God.
With this knowledge I have and am experiencing true freedom in 2012. My heart is on the mend and my spirit is being lovingly brought back to life. Thank you, Jesus!
I now have a quiet time in the mornings that have completely transformed my days. I couldn't be more thankful for the wisdom and the strength I'm gleaning from time in His word...things I've always hoped for, but wasn't willing to put the work in to achieve. Up until now, no amount of encouragement or accountability could have helped me in my diligence and dedication. My winter was that consuming.
But I wanted to live! I wanted change! I wanted more! And I wanted it...now.
My dear mother once told me..."when you want to change bad enough, then you will". My bad enough got real bad and I can't sing loud enough praises to the Mighty One for bringing me to a place where the snow and the ice and the cold let up just enough that I could see my way out, so that I could see Light.
My personal spring is here. Earlier than our literal one. But it has arrived to the tune of joy and harps and praises. I hear the song of angels in my heart and it is good.
Winter will come again...it always does. But next time I'll be ready. Because He hears my cries.
I am not alone.
"God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great is Your faithfulness. I'm sticking with God (I say over and over). He's all I've got left."
Lamentations 3: 22-24