Monday, June 28, 2010

Long Time...No Blog...and a dash of real honesty.

It's been 28 days since I last blogged.  And I've missed it.  I've missed you guys handful of readers.

Life has been crazy to say the very least.  And with all the busyness and stuff going on, my brain has been left void of things to write about.

Do you ever have seasons like that?  Where you just have nothing to say?

I talked with a friend today and she quoted a book she's been said, "you know that Christ has overtaken your heart when you can just keep your mouth shut."

I found that to be an interesting observation.  And one that really resonated with me in my life...right now...but also how it really summed up what's been going on with me and this blog for the last few weeks.

Though I haven't had much anything to write about, I've still been thinking about it right often.  There were mornings that I would wake up with full intentions to write about SOMETHING (no matter how trivial), but somehow during the course of that day, I would decide not to.  On those days, I ended up feeling as if I shouldn't write just ANYTHING.

So then I started to pray.

At first my prayers started out that God would give me words.  That He would spark inspiration in my heart.  That He would probe every last inch of my brain and pull from it an exquisite round of prose.
But soon, my prayers became less "my prayers" and more of His direction.

Direction in where HE would have me go (or not go) with this outlet of creative expression.

I've been convicted for sometime about how much time I spend on the computer.  It has been one of those things that has pulled me away from my family more than I care to admit.  And though Facebook and Twitter were somewhere in the mix, the bulk of my time was dedicated to this blog, its ratings, comments, followers, advertising, etc, etc, etc.  It's amazing, looking back, how many countless hours silly stuff like that took away from my days.

And as I would read other women's blog posts about their conviction in computer time/ blog time, I would feel their pain.  Yet I would end up right back where I left front of the screen planning my next witty/ spiritual/ deep/ creative post.

I would see multiple, on the minute (it seemed), twitter postings from other bloggers and I would make myself feel better about "how little" time I spent on the computer in light of their constant updates.

I would sit and tell myself how this is a job for some women...which may very well be what God has called THEM to, but it was just a hobby for me so the time I spent was way less then what it would be were I expecting to bring in an actual income.

And then I would rationalize that I was speaking truth into people's lives so surely posting EVERYDAY was what I was supposed to do.

But let's face it....

None of that is true.  I spent the amount of time I did on this computer and this blog because I wanted to.

I'll even go as far to say...

This blog became MY IDOL.

And please, to those of you who have blogs out there and are reading this thinking I'm judging you...know that I am not.  I can't vouch for where your heart and calling are in your blogs.  I can only do that with and for mine.  And right now, the way I have been operating this whole deal is not what God wants for my life at this moment.  That simply, is the purpose of this post...not to condemn anyone else for the joys and/or successes they have in blogging.

So in these last 28 days God has been showing me what His purpose for me is in terms of this blog...and I've just been taking the time to honestly reflect on it and let it all soak in.

It's been sad.  But it's been empowering as well.

I feel enlightened knowing that God does give me what I'm supposed to write about, but now those words will adhere to His timetable and not mine.

A weight has been lifted in that I don't feel like I absolutely HAVE to post something so I don't lose readers.

And I take joy in the fact that as much as my husband loves reading my blog and my children one day will, my time is better spent with them right now...and they love that even more then what I have to say on this here website.

So what does all this mean?

Well, it doesn't mean I'm going to stop blogging all together.

It simply means my priorities have changed.  And I will post when I feel called.  That might look like twice a week and that might look like twice a month.  It's not up to me anymore =).

You'll also notice there isn't any extra "stuff" on my sidebars.  Nothing to track visitors.  No ads.  As much as I adore my awards and thank you for all of them, they are gone, too.  No more twitter, which honestly, I never really liked anyway.  Basically, nothing to distract me.

I'm giving this blog to Jesus.
And hopefully, I'll know he has invaded this space when I can just keep my mouth shut.

Blessings (and thanks for readings!),


Leah aka Momma O said...

Yes! Been there. I used to be obsessed watching how many people visited my blogs or felt compelled to write multiple times a week to "keep up" with otherblogs and keep readers coming back. Not to mention, the time it took away from Savannah (along with Facebook, twitter, forums, etc). I struggled with everything you wrote about (and still do at times) and God had to take me through a time like this as well. I know my blog will never be read by a million people or nominated for huge awards, but that's okay. I had to realize my purpose of writing wasn't to be internet-famous but for ME, keeping family and friends up to date, and connecting with other moms. It's not about the numbers. I write when I want to write, and don't when I don't. It's so much more fun when there isn't that internal pressure :-)

I'm glad you took a break, we all need those some times! Welcome back!

Kari said...

I don't typically have a lot to say either. But it's more because I am really trying to learn how to serve others. It's hard to be humble and watchful for how I can do a kindness for someone if I'm constantly talking about myself....You know? Anyway, sounds like your doing the right thing.