On Writing...

I've often eluded to the fact that there is a book floating around in this ole noggin' of mine.

There's no doubt about it.

And this blog is, in and of itself, the greatest writing therapy I could ever have.

Yet, I feel as if I'm always writing about...

NOTHING.

Maybe that's the wrong word, because I know I write about something, it just feels as if it lacks purpose sometimes.

It's a strange dynamic that I experience with this here blog and the overwhelming pursuit of moving beyond my piddly musings to a more well thought out and constructed prose...on actual paper.

It's a struggle.  A battle of wills.  And it involves God.  My pride.  Lack of confidence and stage fright (or page fright rather) like you would never believe.

I know with every ounce of my soul that what I write about here at SustainingCreativity is what God has called me to write about.  Most of it pertains to my faith and the messiness of my heart and that's all from Him.  But even the quirky little Kelli-isms of my life are His will, I believe, as well.  I pray that this blog and my meanderings honor Him.  That He touches people through it.  That thoughts are provoked and hearts are stirred.

But it's not enough.

I am to a point, in the here and now of my writing, that I am called to something more.

That more is a book.  It's up there in my brain and God keeps telling me to work it out.  He keeps telling me to put a pen to paper and He'll do the rest.  No matter the writer's block or the incomprehensible flow.  "Don't worry about getting published or being read," He says to me.

Just write it down.

So even though I keep telling you all about one day doing it....I have two choices.  I can either quit running my mouth about it, be obedient and do it. 

Or

I can just not do it.

I think I struggle with this because sometimes I lack understanding in the message that I'm to relay to potential readers.  That scares me being the planner that I am.  But I'm missing the point that God is as big as creating the heavens and the earth, parting seas and much much more...you'd think I'd trust Him to guide my words.

It's just a scary idea.

Excuse #1: I don't have time

Excuse #2: I've never written a book therefore I don't know how

Excuse #3: I don't have a Mac (because all great writer's have Mac's right?)

Excuse #4:  If this blog is all about God, then He won't be so upset if I don't aspire to anything else He wills for me.

Excuse #5: Who would read it anyway?

Excuse #6: It's too hard (as I say in my best whiny voice WHILE stamping my foot)

And Excuse #7...

I have had seasons (I'm currently in one) where I have felt I was out of control and everything was beyond my reach.  But in those times, I have always felt I was in control of my writing.  How can I let that go?  And let it be controlled by someone bigger than me?  Without being certain of the final product?

Ahem (can we say control freak?)...

Yep, like I said, pride.

In any event, as much as I would like to go with choice two, my quiet, still whisper of a God is in full tilt bullhorn mode.  And I can't avoid Him.

So...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, in an act of being held accountable, I'm writing a book.

It's going to be hard.  And it's probably going to be a long process.  One that you will tire of me whining about.

But will you join me in this journey?

Will you pray for me as I embark on this call in my life?

I'd so like it if you did!

I'd also like to hear about what God is calling you to in your life...that you might be meeting with resistance.

Tell me about it, please.  There is such strength (and reassurance) in numbers!  I think we'd all be the better in knowing we're not alone and maybe, just maybe, we can help one another along in placing it at the foot of the Cross; truly relinquishing control and letting God do what He does best.

(I'm sharing this as part of the Mom's 30-minute Blog Challenge over at SteadyMom.  Check it out!)

Blessings friends(and thank you for reading),