Remembering...

There aren't many things that I (or my parents) kept from my childhood.

It's just not something we did.

Some people have rocking chairs or toy chests or baby dolls to pass on to their children.

Others have neatly pressed linens and clothes from a world gone by to adorn their babies in.

I don't.

Or rather, I don't have a lot of those things.

But what I do have is very special and I take great pride in passing it on to my Emma and eventually this new baby as well.

That's why when we ventured into the attic to retrieve this childhood love, it was an exciting day.

This is a doll sized bedroom set that my daddy gave me when I was a little girl.  The date it was made says Decmeber 15th, 1982.  I would have been two-years-old.

I remember loving playing with this.  It was the perfect home for my babies.  It came with a dresser and mirror, a four-drawer chest and a four-poster bed.

Seeing as Emma is in the babydoll phase right now, I thought it would be a nice addition to her collection of strollers, baby carriers and such.

And she loved it I might add.  Even more so, the happiness on her face when we presented it to her was enough to fill my heart with joy from now until eternity.

I haven't seen this stuff in years.  It's been packed away in our attic longing to be loved again.  And it just so happens when Jon brought it down, floods of emotion came back to me in the memories these precious toys held.

They needed dusting off and the mattress needed some love (ie. a good washing).  It also needed a bed covering and pillow, which I promptly made so Emma's dollies wouldn't go cold.

As I nursed the wood back to it's former sheen I noticed a few scratches here and a crack there.  The headboard of the bed needs a bit of glue.  And there's a few dark patches from where I'm sure I spilled juice or something wet on it at somepoint.

But all in all, the whole set is in grand shape.  To be almost 30-years-old that is.

Reminiscing about all the times I sat with my dolls on the floor playing in their little bedroom, I was reminded of when I first accepted Christ.

Upon first glance, this bedroom set and my faith have nothing to do with the other.  But the feelings this envoked of my childhood, I was able to see so clearly myself in the delicate grains of wood.  I could feel a love for me in the sturdy craftmanship of these pieces and I was once again transported back to a time when my adoration and faith in Jesus was so simple, yet so profound.

I don't remember a lot from when I was a kid.  And as time passed and I became older, the blurrier my memories get.

But I do know for a brief moment in my history I loved God with all of my heart.  Everything I was, I wanted to be even better for Him.

That's the stuff real faith is made of.  An uninhibited and crazy kind of heart-wrenching love for Someone bigger than you and who you can't see...this that only a child can fully grasp.

Age brings with it doubt.  And questions.  Trials and lots of errors.

Before you know it...

Before I knew it, I didn't know who God was and in turn I didn't know who I was anymore either.

In retrospect, I was sitting in my own attic of darkness and sin, just waiting to be loved again.

Now I'm a firm believer that God brings us to Himself and even back to Himself at regular intervals in our human lives.  We have to be aware of His calling.  And for most of us, because we're just so darn stubborn, we have to be at a total loss, to have hit rock bottom, so that the only thing we can see is God.

It's not out of meaness that He does this, but out of love.

It's how He gets our attention.

And when He does, thirty years of dust and cobwebs, maybe even a hint of mold are wiped clean again.  New coverings are made for you, your broken heart glued in all the right spots.  And your soul is lovingly stroked and tended to so that your spirit shines once again.

Maybe I'm not to my former "childlike" faith.  I still have those bumps, cracks and bruises I've aquired over the years afterall.  But my heart has been restored to it's former joy because my Savior has rescued me once again, just like He did when I was a girl.  And because of that, so too has my purpose in life been renewed as well.

Dear Jesus,

Over and over I've heard it said and even spoken it myself, "You are a God of second chances.  And third.  And fourth.  And so on."

I can't thank you enough for that being so true.  That You love me so much, You would give me even one chance, much less multiple ones to see me through to who it is I am supposed to be in You....that is so remarkable and so awesome.

I thank you for life, Lord.  And I praise you that you take care in constantly nursing my heart and spirit to the condition You wish it to be.

I love you.

Amen.

God's Provision...

We face decisions every minute of our existence.  That is one thing we human's share...it's something we do...have to do...like it or not.

The difference, we'll find, is the ease (or lack thereof) in which we make these decisions.

Some of us are born decision makers and honestly I think I fall more into this category.

There are others that can't made a decision to save their life...we'll call them INdecisive.

Now, despite the fact that I think I'm a natural decision maker, I have to note that this does not negate the other fact that it takes me a LONG time to make most of the ones I face.  I have to do my research.  I seek out advice and recommendations.  I read (too much) on the internet.  I replay scenarios in my head over and over.  I make pros and cons lists.  I wake up at all hours of the night in a frenzy over unanswered questions.

And I pray.

This is where my faith comes in.

Now, if you are a believer in Jesus, you know that He is the ultimate source of guidence.  And usually, for me at least, when I'm looking for an answer, He gives it to me...with an abundance of peace.

But because I can let all that other stuff (like I mentioned above~ the research, the council, the sleepless nights) get in the way, it's hard to hear or see, often times, where He's wanting me to go.

Such has been my life these last several weeks.  At every turn it seemed I was faced with a decision to make.  Nothing bad or difficult I might add, but choices that required only the divine knowledge and providence of my Lord.  Not the subjective, biased and stubborn knowledge of me.

And there have been many a moment in these last several weeks that I have heard exactly where it was He was leading me.  But inevitably, I'd throw a self-imposed road block in there (like lack of trust) and I'd doubt His path.

REMINDER: Even Christ's desciples doubted His power when He turned around and fed 5000 with a couple fish and loaves of bread.  He was right smack in front of their faces and they STILL didn't trust what He was capable of.  So how much easier is it for us to do the same?

But what I'm learning is that, as if God's grace isn't enough, He provides me (us) with an endless supply of love.  He lovingly guides us according to His will, which is ALWAYS good.  And He has the supernatural capability to take our blinders off so that we might see the truth when we have no intentions of even opening our eyes.

In so many ways, He is smack in front of our face showing us what He can do with our lives if we'd let Him.

As if God's grace isn't enough...

He shows up...everytime.

He provides.

In every sense of that word....so you define it however you'd like.

He is that good.

Goodness that good is beyond my comprehension, but boy am I glad that He is.  And boy am I even more thankful that He has the authority to give me a swift kick when I'm standing in my own way, promptly changing my course to match His.

God is the author and creator of this life. 

He reigns over every woe, whim and descion you and I will ever face.

His hand is upon you, whereever you are.

And His grace and mercy and love and understanding and direction and revelation are everlasting.

Will you trust not just your decisions to Him, but your hearts as well.

Will you let Him give you peace over evey aspect of your life.

Dear Sweet Jesus,

Thank you.

My prayer could be long and lengthy, but Thank you says it all.

And I love You.

Amen